It feels really awesome to finish a deadline on an issue of HM Magazine. This issue was a peculiar one, because I leaned on my freelance writers more than ever – putting some article decision-making in their hands and assigning out all (or as close to all as possible) the stories to other writers instead of taking some of them on myself. I felt compelled to do that, because I have a bigger deadline looming over me right now.

I’m co-writing an autobiography for Michael Sweet. Talk about a lot of work! Whew! Hours and hours of interviews and then transcribing them. Wow.

Anyway, this deadline has been grueling nonetheless in spite of this. So, it was very exhilarating to wrap it up today and send those 54 pages to the virtual online “printer.” Hopefully they’ll get translated into what you see in the digital magazine browser (along with every link being activated) in a day or two here. I hate that the February issue might not be online until as late as the 10th of the month, but what else can I do? I max myself out in getting it done and that’s the best I could do. Maybe I can get the March issue up by the 7th and the April by the 2nd and then be early or right on time come this May… That’s probably a realistic goal.

So, that’s the cover image above. Do you like the way I have his foot stepping on his name? It felt like a fitting and ironic design choice, seeing how he’s putting an end to his band’s career. There’s a slight change, however. Neal Morse is listed on there and we actually bumped that story to our March issue. Why? Because the dude is in another band (!!!) and has that band’s album coming out at the end of March. This is one busy guy. Most of the other artists covered in our February issue are listed as tags at the bottom of this post. I pulled out a classic “What So & So Says” interview from the vaults (as a cool way to promote the Rock Stars on God, Volume 2 book that’s coming out). I’m also excited to announce that Kemper Crabb has moved on to a new subject in his brilliant ongoing column. This one delves into the “Jesus is my girlfriend” attitude of songwriting. Bravo, Kemper! I hope to one day publish one of his books. The dude is amazing. Oh, and one of the “spinning at HM” artists that I can’t help but talk about is this band Sons. Formerly known as Sons of God, their new album on Slospeak is awesome. I almost gave it a 5 rating, which is hard for me, because a “five” signifies a classic, which means I know I’ll be listening to it in five years. Those are tough calls to make. That’s one reason why you hardly ever see me giving an album the old “5″ rating.

Anyway, so now that the February issue is a thing of the past (at least for me), here is an image of what I’ll be working on next – the March issue #154. I’m excited. A lot of great bands are coming out with albums this spring.

It can be unnerving. Being nervous can make you screw up. This feeling is there for anyone right before the following scenarios:

Asking a girl out (feel the fear)
Walking out of the lockerroom before a big game
Turning off the gun’s safety in the back of a van with your fellow criminals right before a bank robbery
Fastening the velcro that tightens your bulletproof vest as you and your fellow law enforcement officers prepare to leave the SWAT van for a confrontation
Walking on stage with your band for a big show

These are all adrenaline rush moments. The only scenario that comes close for me nowadays (thanks to my band getting back together) is that feeling right before we go on stage. The Cornerstone Festival this year was one such moment. Our band was rehearsed and we were ready, but I knew that there was the real possibility of blowing it and failing massively in public. I could come in too early or too late for a verse or a chorus. I could say something stupid before a song. Our gear could malfunction and force me to “kill time” on stage. The possibilities of greatness or a pitiful performance were both present.

Whenever I am presented with these feelings, I’ve learned to embrace the fear and drink up the emotion – to feel the rush. When I’m experiencing it, it can be overwhelming and make me long for its departure, but when it’s over it is often looked back at with joy.

I’m not sure I’d ever be the guy to speak up in a locker room, but if that moment came, it wouldn’t be hard to express myself and try to encourage my fellow warriors.

“Men, we’re about to take this field and what happens out there will live with us forever. You were born for this moment. You were trained for this moment. You have rehearsed over and over with repetition. You know what to expect and you know what to do when you see the keys for this play and that play. Inside the other locker room is another team that wants to take exactly what we want. We have to want it more. We have to take it first. This is the last game of the year, so don’t hold anything back. Leave it ALL out on the field. Give it all you’ve got. As a team we can do this for four quarters. Let’s go!

Not the most eloquent of speeches, but it includes some of my core thoughts. Little things like a football game can really live on in your memories for the rest of your life. I just turned 49 yesterday, but I still remember our head coach saying something to our team that I know that I know was about me. (I could be wrong, but I can’t figure out who he was talking about). It was our final regular season game against the hated Mojave Mustangs. He said, “Some of our seniors are finally playing up to their potential” (or something to that effect).

I was injured twice in my senior season and, even though it’s stupid to think in terms of entitlement, I viewed my senior year as my year. I wouldn’t sit on the bench at #2 on the depth chart behind the other four senior linebackers like I did in my junior year. But a stupid injured back and then an injured shoulder right on the heels of my back getting better made me miss five games. I was mad at this opposing player that had been talking smack to my buddy’s girlfriend. We all wanted to kill him. I was loose, healthy and plays were unfolding in front of me and I was in position to make some stops. I made one of those wonderful behind the line of scrimmage stops of their running back, Sam Mitchell, right after he got the handoff. He was just starting to accelerate, but I was flying in from my position six or ten yards away. I had the advantage of force and he went flat on his back. I love those kinda plays.

I had a chance for a pick-six that I regret misjudging. It was the middle screen play that we had practiced defending all week. When it unfolded I was right there. I decided (to my detriment) to hold off a little bit from the running back, so the QB wouldn’t see him covered and go somewhere else. I was two steps away and their quarterback lobbed it to his awaiting back. I rush in front, but I was two steps away instead of one and I only had the confidence and timing to slam the ball back, like a rejected basketball shot. I wish I would have instead concentrated on making the interception. I had 25 to 30 yards of open field between me and our end zone. That would have been sweet if I would have scored those six points. I would have tossed the ball to the official and sprinted to the sideline to grab my little black kicking tee to lineup for the extra point. I was the placekicker, too, and my dream was to score 7 points – the touchdown and kick the extra point. I would have pleaded with our coach if he would have sent in the second string kicker at that point. I really wanted to be able to claim 7 points. I don’t know why. It was just a special goal I had in my head.

The defensive coordinator screamed at me in the film room the following Monday. “That was six points and glory, Van Pelt! What happened?” I didn’t have the heart to explain my tentativeness. Second mistake. If I had, maybe he could have instilled an answer in me that would prepare me for the future. Something like, “Don’t over analyze your moves like that. Just react and make the play.”

I think back to our final game against the Boron Bobcats my sophomore year, when we were playing on the Junior Varsity team. We sucked that year. I think our record was 2-6-1. This game was our “1″ (a tie). It was 0 – 0 and we were holding the Bobcats to a goalline stand. Their quarterback was trying to run sneaks right up the middle. We stuffed him each time. One of those times he was stalled, stuffed and crammed into a pile while still on his feet. The whistle had not yet blown and so I tried a little experiment.

“What if I…” (grab the ball with both hands and twist upwards like a bottlecap) It worked! That ball squirted straight up in the air and his two eyeballs got as big as saucers as panic overtook his face. He quickly reached out and grabbed the ball back and the whistles were blown and the play was dead. Meanwhile I watched it happen. Why didn’t I snatch the ball out of the air when it was still going up? I could have started runnin 99 yards the other way. I wasn’t a fast guy, so it’s likely I would have gotten caught from behind.

Here’s what I think I would have done, though:
I had a head start, since most of the other 21 players wouldn’t know what was going on, being engaged in blocks, etc, until I was 10 yards away and sprinting. My speed was a slow 5.3 40 (yard dash) time, but I would have probably raced in a straight line and eyed my sideline, hoping for any hints of “Watch out!” or “He’s about to catch you!” And I would have picked a moment to randomly zag, just in case someone was closing in on me.

Scoring a touchdown (and being able to add the extra point as well) would have been a heck of a way to enter my junior year and Varsity play. Why didn’t I confide in a coach and tell them that then? That experience and advice to not over-analyze myself would have worked well for me.

Ah, reliving the glory days of my high school. How fun. I know it’s boring for anyone else.

Here’s one of the only photos I have of me playing ball in high school. My brother-in-law took it with his new camera. Too bad it’s a little fuzzy and blown-out exposure-wise. I’m #81 (in purple) and this wonderful image captures me running up at the end of the play as if I had something to contribute. It’s like showing up after your friends are just finishing moving their furniture. “Can I help? Oh, I’m too late.” I keep this photo in my senior yearbook, along with this little pocket schedule. I just noticed that the Army recruiter who printed these misspelled our team name. Ha ha. We were the Desert Scorpions, not the Scorpians. The same brother-in-law used to cheer for us with a big pause.

He’d say, “Score – Peons!”

I’ve finally done it … I’ve finally culled 24 interviews from the “What So & So Says” vaults and compiled them into Volume 2 of the Rock Stars on God book series.

When Rock Stars on God (the first Volume in a planned series) came out on Relevant Books in 2004, it was a dream come true. I was blessed to see it happen. I did have a slight regret, though: My only regret was that the choice of well-known popular names did not always equal “best interview” or “best read.” I told myself that when Volume Two of this series came out, the chapters/stories would be hand-picked by me, where I could reprint interviews like the Type O Negative story, where the late Peter Steele told me his answer to the “Jesus” question by stating emphatically, “I thought he was a fool! I would not have died for the sins of humanity. They’re not worth it.” It wasn’t the positive affirmation that some readers might have hoped for, but it sure was passionate and heartfelt.

Anyway, I’ve put together a little video to explain the KickStarter campaign that I’ve launched to get this book published. Check it out:

And here is a widget with a link to the campaign:

Alright. I’ve rec’d a couple test copies of HM at one of these print-on-demand places. I’ve been working with lulu.com for awhile now and like what they do. Here is a link to buy an all-color version for $15.99 plus postage. It’s pricey and I wish I could find a place to print these cheaper, but this is as low as I could get. I am offering a black & white version for only $6, but the experiment revealed a page-alignment problem that needs to be fixed, so I’ll have that up soon.

Alright. Now I’m back. It’s nice to hold a copy of HM Magazine in my hands again. Here is a video of me flipping through both the color and b&w versions:

Why are the inside covers blank? The way this place publishes a “book” (a printer’s term for magazines, too) is a color cover wraps around the “guts” or interior pages (like a paperback book). This color one is really nice, but it’s expensive. It’s $16 (plus postage) for an all-color version, which is 52 pages (including the covers). Some of you folks will get this one and appreciate the color printing and the design of the magazine.

Most people, however, will probably go for the black & white version, because they’re closer to the price you’d normally pay for a magazine. These have a nice color cover, a spine (called “perfect bound”) with a label on it, and an extra 30+ pages of content. For this special edition I added a bunch of live concert photography and also all the major features (and album reviews) from Heaven’s Metal Fanzine issue #89. This is a nice way to combine the two publications. This one sells for only $6.

Below are the links on where you can find them at lulu.com:

52-page Color Version: $15.99

88-page B&W version: $5.99

And … here’s the DECEMBER/Christmas issue (B&W version): $5.99

A visitor to the HMmag.com site named Anthony posted me a question about the Galactic Cowboys, asking me about “the meaning behind” a few Galactic Cowboys songs. That whole area of lyric interpretation gives me the willies, but I commented. And then he asked me if he could post my comments, which was a nice compliment, but I knew I had to be careful, so I added commentary to my comments. Then I realized, ‘This could be a blog post,’ so here it is…

Here’s his first post (after he wrote the cool little article at left about the Galactic Cowboys (who, by the way, released the best album in the entire universe with their self-titled debut. Just sayin…)

I was wondering if you can clarify something for me….I thought GC’s ‘If I was A Killer’, ‘I’m Not Amused’ & ‘Kill Floor’ were all anti-abortion songs…….   I’ve been told Kill Floor is not, merely dealing with a guy in a slaughterhouse who goes mad (I still thought there may have been a double meaning there???)   how about I’m Not Amused, is that song about abortion?  I know If I Was A killer is…..   thanks!
Sincerely,  Anthony

After I replied, his response was:

can I quote you in the comments section?  (or maybe you can add an editors’ note)  just to clarify….I know you are an expert in all things cowboys and I don’t want to put out any incorrect info, thanks!

So, I said, “Okay, but let me edit them real quick (right now, scroll down)”:

I cannot speak for the band, nor should any of us fans ever presume to “know” what the writer is talking about. Using my insight and memories from interviewing the band and reading press releases, I will comment below:

i’m not amused  was written about the occult/ritualistic killings in Matamorus, Mexico in the late 89 or 1990 time period . these might have been satanic murders or even someone “dabbling” in the occult like some adolescent experimentation or game, but lives were lost and the writer of the song “was not amused.”    the other two you are right. written so as to be openly interpreted (multiple meanings), but  no doubt written from a pro-life heart. just coyly  and  never presented as such (and thus reaching more people and getting past the biased filters that exist in the media and entertainment world).

wise as serpents
artistic as rembrandt
dougly as vanpelt

I remember seeing the Galactic Cowboys at a panel at the Foundations Forum convention, along with members of Fear Factory, King’s X and others,  (right after a guy from the Jim Rose circus, maybe Jim himself, doing tricks with his genitals onstage as “entertainment”). it was ‘96, i think, and an election year. someone asked Ben Huggins what his policital bent or preference was and he answered, “I don’t think anyone here cares.” he even asked the audience, “Do you care who i’m going to vote for?” (pointing to the response) “See! No one here cares who I’m going to vote for.”

While some might say that’s fearful, chicken or whatever, I think it’s smart to pick and choose your battles. If all of us went around and told everyone who would listen all of our opinions on everything, we’d all end up sequestered and cornered off in our own little worlds, little groups of like-minded people who never thought, debated or interacted with anyone else in another “camp.”

I bet you $10 that, if he had chosen to, Ben would have stated “Republican” in 1996 and that would have made people that might listen to his band immediately “boo” them at that moment and turn their listening habits away from the band forever.

I remember seeing Michael Stipe at an awards show (GRAMMYS, maybe, maybe something to do with MTV, i don’t remember) and R.E.M. won an award and he took off a t-shirt that said this (maybe GUn Control) and that, and then another and then another and i think the last one was PRO CHOICE. I still hold that against him to this day (and that was probably 20 years ago). It’s hard for me not to like him, because I instantly formed an opinion of him as being a liberally-caused/play-to-the-popular-crowd political guy. That’s not fair to REM’s music that I do that, but I have this bias against the band now and that kind of keeps me from enjoying the music they make. I’m being honest (and vulnerable, like an idiot that wants people to attack him) here. People like me can be dumb.

That’s why a lot of Christian rock never gets heard. The people that control the flow of media have a pre-conceived notion that “this song is going to be about this, ‘Accept Jesus as your personal Savior or else’ message, or a pro-Republican message or an anti-gay message or an anti-abortion message’ (try to get a media person to say “pro-life” instead of “anti-abortion” they won’t do it).

When we reveal our cards in the great poker game of life, there’s no taking it back. There’s wisdom in hiding your cards, people.   If you’re on the front lines and you’ve revealed all your cards (and getting beat up and attacked constantly), you’ll resent me for saying this, because it might keep people from joining your cause. I’m sorry, but I think this is true.

I think Jesus kept His mouth shut at certain times. That’s right, He didn’t even tell people He was the Messiah or the Living Son of God sometimes. Are we going to attack Him and call Him a chicken for not standing up for the truth? He IS the Truth. Check out the book of Esther. Hiding your cards doesn’t mean you don’t lay ‘em down in the last hand. She waited “for such a time as this” and laid ‘em all out … and saved a nation.

I’m not promoting cowardice or muting our voices for all eternity. But, like the preaching of grace, if you don’t give license to sin and the abuse of grace, you’re probably not really preaching real grace.   Wisdom is not stupidity, but it can be perceived as such (or as cowardice).   I must apologize to AC for making this a blog, but it just happened. and also an apology for not using proper punctuation. i was really just intending this to be a quick type it out and send it email, but look what happened…

—Doug Van Pelt

I remember how difficult it was to maintain my vocal support of Ray Lewis back in 2000, when the Ravens made a remarkable run to a Super Bowl championship. The year before he was on trial for the obstruction of justice. People weren’t sure what to think. It certainly wasn’t popular to voice support and admiration for the man. I couldn’t help but admire the football player. I was blessed to land in the right place in order to play middle/inside linebacker for my high school football team (which was Desert High, the name of my novel, not coincidentally). This guy plays the position the way it should be played: with intensity, smarts, toughness, speed, the appetite for hitting and a ball-hawkish nose for the football. It seems like he had it all. Take Dick Butkus or Ray Nitschke and give them 220 volts of 4.4 speed and you have an impentratable perimeter just beyond the line of scrimmage. I loved watching him play and I ate up that 2000 Super Bowl where the Ravens demolished the New York Giants. I remember hearing people complain about that Super Bowl game, but I loved it.

Ten years later I was watching a game somewhere and when the pre-game introductions came on, some man next to me started shouting at the television set: “Murderer! You’re a murderer!” He sounded like a wounded woman to me and I was kind of shocked to hear that someone was still convinced that this guy was guilty. A little bit of baggage came with that pent-up accusation, I think. I don’t know Ray Lewis and I could be wrong, but I took him at his word when he defended his actions about the Super Bowl night incident years ago. Some things are just so large and compelling that it’s almost impossible to shed the memories and associations.

But I’d like to talk about what I heard this morning on the NFL Network.

Ah… I first must pause and comment on how much I am digging this television network. I love football. I love having a network that is run by the league and features football coverage year-round. Sure, I appreciate, love and play other sports, like baseball, basketball, hockey, skateboarding and such. But, if you compared my love for those sports to my immense love for football, it’d be like saying “I hate basketball.” There’s such a large gap in my affection for the sport. I was really leery about switching from Time Warner cable to DirecTV satellite for my television signal. I was worried that rain storms and wind and other conditions would weaken the signal. So far, no such problems. The digital signal and all the HD channels in the basic package are pretty awesome. I’m watching a little NFL Network every single day at some point (if I can). I love it.

Anyway, this morning they had a brief interview with Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys, which always gets my attention, and they said, “Wait ’til you hear what Ray Lewis said in his post-game speech to the team in the Ravens’ locker room. I love this “behind the scenes” access that the NFL Network brings. I’m a fan.

This speech was in the locker room after his team was on the losing end of a tough loss that came down to the final play (a missed “chip shot” field goal by former Dallas Cowboys kicker Billy Cundiff). The emotions of that kind of situation are immense. The fans feel it, but the players lived it. As they take off their uniforms and prepare to shower, get dressed and meet their families and friends that await them, they’re probably feeling the “finality of it” (as John Madden used to comment). Their football season is over. There’s no more games for them to play for the rest of the year. It’s a shock to the emotions. It’s tough.

“I tried to tell y’all, God has never made a mistake. He’s never made a one mistake. ALright? So, it ain’t about one play. It ain’t about nothing. This year – we did what we were supposed to do. We fought as a team. We fought as a team. There will be one Super Bowl champ crowned at the end of this year. That’s it! So, the way we feel, somebody’s gonna feel like that tomorrow. Somebody’s gonna feel like that in a week. That’s a fact! The fact is we’ve got to come back and go to work to make sure we finish it next time. That’s all we’ve gotta do. Joe, you played your (bleep) off! You hear me, man? I’m telling you, man – don’t ever drop your head when it comes to a loss, dog! There’s too much pain outside of this, that people are really going through. This right here only makes us stronger. Let’s understand who we are as a team. Let’s understand who we are as men and let’s make somebody smile when we walk out of here. We’ve got an opportunity to keep going on here. Let’s be stronger as a team. Let’s keep going on. Ravens on three. Let’s go.”

Wow. Ray Lewis is a real man. I love that guy. I so admire his ability to lead other men. He doesn’t mince words. He’s tough, but he’s not lost in some fantasy that the game of football is all there is. Right here in this pivotal moment he reminded his teammates – some of the best athletes in the world – that there are other people going through big, life-changing and sometimes seemingly hopeless problems and they just competed in a game. A game. A sport. A time set aside for recreation where this team competed against that team. Even though they were one pretty easy kick away from tying the game and sending it into overtime, there can only be one winner at the conclusion.

Ray Lewis talks about God – a lot. I love that about him. There are very few things in life (maybe nothing at all) that I enjoy more than talking about God and talking about spiritual things. Whenever you open your mouth and talk about God – especially around people you don’t know or who may have made it known that they don’t follow God – it can be awkward. God and faith can be very divisive. It appears clear that Ray’s faith makes him a stronger man.

I get nervous when people mix football and God. I’m not against football players stating after a game in an interview that they want to “give all the glory to God.” No, I love that. Something resonates inside me when I hear a fellow lover-of-Jesus declare their love for the Man and God and Savior – Jesus the Messiah. I don’t get squeamish about that at all. What makes me nervous is the idea or concept that God might favor one team over the other. I don’t think God defies the laws of nature that He installed to give one team an advantage over another. I imagine that He watches, as you or I would, and appreciates the competition and fun and games that men and women have when they play a sport. I think it’s ridiculous to imagine that God would make a wide receiver’s muscle twitch so that he would drop a pass and lose a game. I don’t think many people necessarily believe that He does, but the implication seems to float out there sometimes.

Ray’s comment about God never making a mistake seems to imply that it was God’s will for the Ravens to lose. I can understand that and appreciate it from the perspective of looking back and having peace with where we are in life and the circumstances that are over and cannot be changed. God sits outside of time (in my understanding) and He already knows the next few words I’m going to type before I even type them. But He didn’t tell me to type a certain word, necessarily. And what if He did tell me to type a certain phrase and I didn’t hear it or I disobeyed Him? I can see how calling something “God’s will” is a way for us to process our circumstances and have a perspective that helps us move on. God knew that the Ravens were going to lose this game. (He could make a killing in Vegas if He ever needed the money). His will and purpose to to fulfill what He started in the beginning – making us in His image.

His desire (at least it’s the prayer of people in the Bible) is to transform us into the likeness of His Son, Jesus. God was surely not shocked when Cundiff’s kick sailed left of the crossbars. Lewis’ edifying speech to his teammates was a reminder to focus on the here and now. The past is out of our control. It would be true to say that, “God knew you were strong enough to handle this loss.” That’s my understanding of the statements Lewis said to start off his speech. God doesn’t make mistakes.

I imagine that Lewis knows one or many people in his life – whether through introduction or close family/friends – that are going through severe problems. One great thing that a lot of celebrities do is they “give back” to those around them by visiting people in hospitals and those who are “less fortunate” than they are. Imagine if you were a kid laying in a hospital bed, having to endure one test and surgery after another, feeling pain all the time and possibly fearing that your body may give out and you may die. Now imagine for a moment that your sports hero (Peyton Manning or Colt McCoy or Drew Brees) walks into your room and sits down to talk to you. You would feel like the most important person in the world for a moment! These kids eyes and faces surely light up like beacons when this happens. Ask any nurse in a children’s hospital how this impacts their patients. For a moment that person feels special. For a moment they can forget about their problems. For a moment the attention is on them, but it’s not the unwanted attention of another shot or another announcement from a doctor that things “don’t look good.” Nope. For this moment there is joy. There are smiles.

For Lewis to tell his teammates (as well as himself) to remember to make someone smile when they leave here is a very practical piece of advice. These men just went through a powerful crushing of emotions. They could carry that feeling deep into the night – deep into next week for that matter. They could wallow in gloom and “what if” scenarios. Lewis’ advice was to suck it up, be a man and use your mind, your facial expressions and your tongue to bring other people joy. This is good stuff. This transcends the game. This is why I had to blog about it today.

Great job, Ray.

Okay, I am Bob Lefsetz. I really am. No I am not. Well, at least I don’t take myself seriously. I just type.

I’m a type. I like tacos…

So, back in the early ’90s the very talented and super excellent melodic metal/hard rock band Guardian added a new singer to their fold. It was a crazy long-shot, adding this red-haired lanky lunatic from the band Tempest.

And while we’re on the subject of Tempest, one of the funniest (and saddest – so sad) stories in Christian metal history is the Tempest getting signed to Pure Metal story. You see, kids, there was an amazing, edgy and explosive thrash metal band from Ohio called Tempest. This guy named Warren Harris was the frontman/bassist. The dude could wail and play bass guitar like a madman. This three-piece was simply amazing. There was such a power involved in the music that it was too tough to criticize. If anyone else had used a talking puppet talkbox soundbyte on their album, they would have been laughed at. But Annhilation of the Wicked was so stinkin’ awesome, thrashy and powerful at a time when thrash and speed metal were just newly explored terrain for bands like Exodus, Testament, Metallica and only a few others. Man, that cassette tape ruled!

Pure Metal Records heard the buzz about this band in the Christian metal underground, but someone who didn’t know their heavy from their metal got a submission or communication or something from a band called Tempest and they jumped on it, sending the band a contract and signing the band. Apparently, as the legend goes, someone from the label walked in and noticed that the music these four or so guys from Indiana were playing was nothing like thrash metal … and there was no intimidating, tall and dark-skinned frontman to be found. Turns out they signed the wrong Tempest!!!

Now, Eye of the Storm, the band’s second album, did have one good song on it – a ballad called “Good-bye.” Well, the band Guardian took a chance on this guy as their new vocalist, replacing Paul Cawley. Well, the experiment worked, as the Fire and Love album was a melodic hard rocker’s delight. Chi-wa-wah! That was a smokin’ hot album! “Time and Time Again,” “Forever and a Day” and “Time Stands Still” were great tunes. Notice how they all had units of time or the subject of time in their title? Weird. “Send a Message” and “The Power of Love” were both duplicate song titles from the King’s X debut album, Out of the Silent Planet. Probably just a strange coincidence.

Fire and Love was easily one of the best Christian metal/hard rock albums ever released. Well, the song had a ballad on it, called “Never Gonna Say Goodbye.” It was a pretty little song and it had a heart-tugging lyrical pull about eternity and heaven and death. The band’s label made a video for “The Power of Love” and also one for “Never Gonna Say Goodbye.” The second looked like a low-budget video, but it tastefully featured a lot of soup kitchen lines of people at a homeless shelter somewhere.

I had a hunch, and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one. “This song would go over great on Country radio. And the video had enough of a ‘feel good’ vibe to it that it could and would have its own life on rotation on CMT (Country Music Television).” I knew the folks at the label, so I called and talked to their promotions guy. An older gentleman that was really nice. I told him my idea and he listened. I think he might have even thought it was a good idea. Well, I did my part. I had no business telling a record label where to spend their money and their marketing energy.

But dang it if I know they were wrong not to try that. At least deep down in my heart. That song could have catapulted a very capable, professional band to much higher heights. I wonder what it would have been like for them (a real rock band) to have a hit on country radio. It might’ve messed ‘em up. Maybe their song titles about time were a clue they were sending to me in the future.

“Doug, when you get your time machine working, come back to 1991 and take the ‘Never Gonna Say Goodbye’ video to CMT. Do it, Doug. DO IT NOW!”

Yes, I think that’s what they were trying to say. For now, though, I can sit on my armchair and scowl: “You blew it, guys! You really blew it!!!”

There were two major events I remember — Okay, now five — from my brief life of walking with Christ.
No, that wasn’t a pronouncement that I’ve done the trendy thing and gone atheist. I know that our Father could handle it, His Son Jesus, too … but I think turning my back on Him would be like slapping Him in the face, spitting on His face, slapping it again and then spray-painting “F – U …” (you know the rest) across His now teary face. I can’t imagine walking away from Him.

But walk away is what I did as an 11-year-old back in 1974. The year Amy Grant sang about a couple decades ago (I think it was on the Lead Me On album). That was the year I came to Jesus, fell in love with Him. Two of my memories were leading two of my best friends to Him and His forgiveness. That was an honor and so cool. I was living for Jesus, fulfilled in the depth of my soul. I was coming to understand worship and I was reading the Word. I was growing. But for one reason or another (perhaps it was these three moments combined) I slowly but surely walked away from Him. I’m guessing that this “walk” was a good six months. Maybe a little longer. Maybe closer to nine. I don’t recall. I am pretty sure I got saved in the winter of ‘74 and was kinda turned from Him by the spring of my sixth grade year in ‘75.

The first two events were horrible. They stabbed my heart with pain so deep that I ached inside. They both involved trying to tell people about Jesus and they both involved making an older beloved woman cry with anxiety over the events. I’ve blogged about both, so I won’t get into those. One was my Grandma Daisy, who I loved very much. I approached her in the kitchen of her home about “Why won’t Grandpa Doc talk with me about Jesus?” He had blown me off on the front porch. The other was my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Tesdall, who was crying over my “crossing the line of the separation of church and state” by placing religious tracts inside each student’s folder/envelope on the outside of our “coat closets.” Those events hurt.

The third event I hadn’t thought about for a long time. I remembered it during church this past Sunday. I was alone and on my row were two little girls that I passed the cracker and then grape juice trays to. Their mom leaned over to help make sure they didn’t spill the crackers. I held the juice tray and let their mom pick the two little plastic cups for them. She smiled a “thank you” that was easy to lipread. I thought about them possibly spilling that whole tray of several cups of grape juice, so I made sure to serve them instead of pass the tray to them.

It brought back a time of communion in the church pews. This was sometime during that mid-’70s era I talked about. I was sitting with my parents and a sweet high school girl I’ll call Laura E. As an 11-year old I had a crush on her. She was beautiful. Kind of a sandy blonde with hair down to her shoulders. She always dressed nice and was especially friendly towards me. I knew inside that we’d never amount to anything with our age differences, but for some reason I still had a childhood crush on her. When passing the grape juice to her that day, I somehow spilled it on her nice dress. I guess she really liked that dress or maybe she was having a rough day (I couldn’t tell), but she kind of exploded. I can’t remember if she called me a jerk or anything, but her reaction was like that. Kind of a “How could you do that!” sort of outrage.

Crushed my little heart. It was an accident. Not sure how the hand-off failed to be safe, but that grape juice got on her dress and grape juice is probably a stain that’s a pain to get out. That rhyme/pun was not really intended (too much). Looking back, I can see how a little 11-year-old could be seen as an annoyance. Little did she know that I was about as in love as an 11-year-old could be. To me, it was a full-on rejection that cut to the core.

For a few sentences, I’m going to vent and blame her for some grief. Forgive me, Laura. I don’t really stand by these accusations.

Now, that’s three major cases of rejection. My tender little heart got hurt by those things. One of the things that jumps out at me is the ramifications of our actions. The object of a crush isn’t responsible for the feelings of the crusher. They can’t help it. Sometimes the situation can be so awkward that all the measure of tact and grace in the world won’t help shoo the person away (and inviting them in for companionship is not healthy or even safe), but those are extremes. For a situation like we might most encounter, allowing our natural reactions to take over and blind us to the feelings of others can be mean, harmful and cruel. If it were me and I let my frustration of having something spilled on me erupt in verbal, facial or expressive disgust, I’d regret that.

I’m at a loss here and conflicted. I cannot condemn someone else for a fairly innocent action/reaction. I do, however, want to present my side of the story. It sobers me up and makes me realize that my lack of courteous sensitivity can lead to unnecessarily hurting someone else. I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill here, for sure. This was just a small life lesson for me, but at the time, boy, did that lesson sting. We’re all going to experience times where someone treats us harshly and/or we find out that someone we thought was a friend wasn’t or even a stranger can put us down verbally (especially if we live in New York and we cut someone off in traffic, ha!). It’s good to know that our identity and value is wrapped up in or based upon that other person’s viewpoint. Living with that kind of instability would be a drag.

Impressionable moment #17 blog over.

That is the cover art for the new issue of HM Magazine. I hope this one is read by as many people as the December issue was. Early stats showed 10,000+ visits on the first night! Since then (December 11th) there has been 24,740 visits. The January issue will go back to “normal,” where viewing/reading it is reserved/restricted to subscribers only. One-year (12-issue) digital subscriptions are only $6 right now, so it’s pretty cheap and there’s not much of a reason not to subscribe. I’m a cheap guy and I would subscribe at this price without hesitating! These one-year digi-subs are going to go up to $12/year in February, which is still a great deal.

Anyway, this issue’s cover art above is not 100% accurate. We had to bump the David Crowder* Band feature to February. The reason? Well, we had to devote some time to research and find out exactly what that darn asterik or asterisk stands for! Just kidding. Turns out the main dude in the band – Mr. Goatee himself, wasn’t available for interview during the pre-holiday time we needed, so we put it off and slid an interview with Bruce Fitzhugh of Living Sacrifice there instead. The metal band is releasing a new live DVD that’s really good, so that was an easy change.

If you like to pray, please pray with me that I could find someone to sell ads for us at HM Magazine. I’m finding that my new workload with going monthly is just too much for me. That’s really why this deadline is late. The January issue should have gone to press before Christmas. If I could just concentrate on editorial and running the business, I think this could go a lot better. So, I’m seeking God for wisdom and asking Him to lead me to the right person to take this workload (and get paid commissions on sales).

Anyway, here’s what this January issue holds in store for you:

Blessed By A Broken Heart. A nice four-page cover story on this newly signed band to Tooth & Nail Records.
Living Sacrifice. An interview with frontman Bruce Fitzhugh on their In Finite Live DVD.
Five Iron Frenzy. A story on the band that reunited and raised over $30,000 on kickstarter in 55 minutes! They’re not done yet and they’ve already raised $172,000. Wow.
MxPx. Their new documentary is cool and we interviewed the guy who put it together, Brian Buchelt.
The Skies Revolt. I interviewed this wacky, creative band that walks around in those cardboard robots at Cornerstone.
Maylene & the Sons of Disaster. I’m just going to say it: Their new album, IV, completely rules. Best album I’ve heard in a good while. Fantastic. Sounds more like Ozzy than Maylene. Go figure. Seriously. Get this album now!
Cradle of Filth. I dipped back into the vaults in an effort to promote my new book – Rock Stars on God, Volume 2. I’ll be doing a short kickstarter.com campaign to launch that book, which I plan on having available on January 31. This was a great interview.
Immortal Souls. An article on a great metal band.
And, of course, there’s a few surprises I’ll let you discover on your own.

Check out a screen capture of our December online issue visit stats.

Oh, and by the way, I’m this much closer to getting a complete print-able book available for sale at lulu.com. Stay tuned for an announcement as to when it’s live and available. Expect to pay $6 plus postage for a print hold-in-your-hands copy of the January or the December issue.

It’s official. I’m co-writing the Michael Sweet autobiography. This’ll be fun. After 2.5 hours of talking/interviewing, it already is. I believe I already have the lead-off story. It’s a good one. I’m confident I’ll use it to start the book – unless he tops that story with another one, of course. I’ve never written a biography before, but I’ve read several and most seem to start off at the present or a certain point in time as an introduction – almost as a reason why you’re reading the book – and then it goes back to the beginning. That’s the general idea I have at this early stage of writing the book. My plan is to cram all this work into a short, concentrated time and crank this book out soon.

What questions should I ask him? What stories should I get him to tell? What do you want to see in a “TELL ALL” Stryper autobiography by its frontman?

“…you don’t know what the future holds…” (lyrics from a song by a certain punk band. I won’t use any names, but their initials are Lust Control). Could book writing be my new career? I don’t know. It’s certainly too early to tell. I have written a novel (Desert High), which I’m confident is a good story and could be made into a movie. That’s my hope and dream for it. Perhaps this Michael Sweet book could be very successful. I hope so. We’ll see.

It’s cool being able to write a book about something that I know a lot about. I still plan on doing my share of research work, but it’s not like I have to start from scratch. This band is very much one of the major reasons why I’ve had a career as a magazine publisher for 26 years. If it wasn’t for this band and their faith in God, I doubt that Christian metal would not have been a phenomenon nor a bandwagon that I jumped on.