Doug Van Pelt

If I were TO's friend

If I were buds with Terrell Owens, I would say things like,

"Take the Lord seriously."
I've read his book. I believe he's a believer. He referenced talking to his pastor.

"Let the song, 'Humble Yourself in the Sight of the Lord" be your mantra.
Don't worry what others think. Get alone with God and ask Him what He thinks. Make yourself low and humble before Him.

"Use CRITICISM as a tool for good."
You don't have to answer to reporters, people on sports talk radio, or even your neighbors. But what you should do is let their criticism examine you. Get alone in the privacy of just you and God. Ask Him, "Is such and such true?" Let God show you where you are weak and need His strength. Ignoring criticism might be a convenient way of "dealing with it," but avoiding stress and tough criticism is not the way to handle it. People think they're smart and act like they have a right to tell you what to do or act like they really know you and what your problems are (the writer of this blog is somehow guilty of this very thing right now). These people are wrong, but they might be giving you real tools with which to work on improving yourself. The goal of a man of God is to let the Lord, your Father in Heaven, form Christ in you, shaping your character with His.

"See public perception for what it is."
Okay, so the public thinks you're an ego-centric jerk. They don't know the real you. You don't have to set them straight. If you were to set the record straight, it would best be done quietly over time. Taking the advice about "criticism" (mentioned above) seriously, you can take the public perception criticism into your prayer closet and ask God to root out any selfishness or self-centeredness from your heart. If you "do business" with God in the quiet of your heart, you have no need to fear, deflect or even correct public criticism. Let it fall where it may.

"Cancel that reality TV show."
It's probably too late to do this, if a contract is signed. If it's not, back out now. If the contract is signed, go through with it, but be willing to be boring on TV. Don't blow your Christ-character-formation for ratings. You don't need to brag or broadcast what's going on, but if you've invited cameras, take a "what it is" approach and let them see you -- warts and all.

"I hope you have some good friends; friends that will tell you the truth for your own sake, not just what you want to hear."

"Focus on the ring."
I assume you are very well off financially. For now, you have no reason to add to your riches. I presume you know how to work hard. You've built a reputation on a hard worker. Focus on winning a championship in Dallas. Forget about other opportunities or furthering your future career right now. Focus on all the little things that a champion team player does. Win it.

Agent Van Pelt has gone dark

So, when I go AWOL during the last scrambling days of deadline, does it bother you if I don't blog?

Is eating too fast an offense to the Creator of your tastebuds?

I had another strange dream about trying to get to LAX on time, and I was running late. This time another associate was going, too, but in a separate, cooler car. So I take this wrong turn out of the parking garage and I end up in a one-way exit going up this parking garage. I notice that some of the exit ramps are vertical. When I get to the top and try to start my trip down, I find myself in a big yellow sphere-like vehicle. I get instructions from some lady and the door slams. Judging my the look on her face, she didn't get to show me all the controls. The sphere drops free fall into the air. My first reaction is to reach up and push my hands against the plexiglass shell of the sphere, as if that would stop my rapid descent. I quickly grab the controls, much to the relief of the person on the radio. Once I start to control the craft, I'm good. Then I'm traveling sideways across a meadow, with a beautiful skyline in front of me in a giant park. This is the second dream in a row I've had that started with trying to make it to LAX in time to catch a return flight home. So weird.

I'm in the last day or two of deadline. I've been working so hard and making adjustments to this issue the whole time. It's going to be nice to be done with this one. Am listening to a dozen or two albums, so I can offer ratings to the reviews, in addition to the writers' ratings. One or two of our writers gave out "5's" on an album. I don't quite agree, but I'm kind of stingy with the "5 out of 5" ratings, as those are reserved for "classics," which will stand the test of time, like a Beatles album. These don't come too often, but they do come.

Don't you wish you could sit and listen to the teachings of Jesus? It must've been awesome to sit and hear Him talk. In Mark 12:35 through 40, He is talking about David addressing his future seed, the Christ, calling Him "Lord." Jesus asks the question, "If David calls him 'Lord,' how then can He be his son?" It says "the large crowd listened to Him with delight." I bet.

Jesus went on to warn about the teachers of the law. "They devour widows' houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Such men will be punished most severely." Wow. This guy was willing to stand up and say it like it is. People today on the left would love how He defends the poor, and does something about it. People on the right would admire how He's willing to speak the truth, no matter the reaction of the crowd. Jesus said these hypocrits would be judged "most severely." We could safely include that those people deserve it.

In the same chapter, it talks about Jesus sitting down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched. I bet His Father (probably through the Spirit, that's a tough one to decipher) whispered to Him to do this, that a good lesson was going to present itself. Sure enough, an old lady gave one tiny portion. Jesus proclaimed that she, giving out of her poverty, gave everything -- all she had to live on. He pointed out that the others gave out of their wealth and that the widow "gave the most."

You get the impression that this widow was humble about it, too. She didn't bother to let everyone know that it was last two coins. It was most likely a big deal between her and God, but not something she was doing for show to those around her. I wonder how many similar acts of giving are going on right now -- between some honest, sincere person and their God.

The Back Porches of Heaven

In Mark 12 (verses 28 - 34), we see something interesting:

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked Him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

Those are some interesting details. One might guess that this guy was astute and was hoping to trick Jesus with a hard question; or maybe he was wanting to show off his own knowledge. Or maybe he was genuinely interested in knowing the answer. It might have been a combination of all three.

"The most important one, answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and will all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, He said to him, "You are not far from the kingdom of God."

That guy got a compliment. I hope he continued on and actually made it into the kingdom of God. Perhaps I'll be sitting with him one day in Heaven, talking about God. He'll mention, "Remember that story in the book of Mark about the man who asked Jesus such and such question?" He'll wait for an answer and then say, "That was me!" That would be cool. Judging by my own curiousity and questions, as well as the description in the book of Revelation about angels saying, "Holy, Holy, Holy," around the Lord, there are no doubt so many mysteries of God that finding them out will be a real joy in Heaven that should keep us plenty busy.

God Bless Barack Obama

Living up to my "new president" resolution (to not spend the next 4-8 years complaining, hating or grumbling) is not easy to do -- especially when you hang around Republicans. Every little joke or off-handed remark at Obama's expense makes it harder and harder to give the new prez a fair chance. It makes it harder and harder to keep an open mind and harder to see any good that he might do. I remember all the Clinton jokes and the stories about Whitewater and such. They fueled an unrest and an anger that -- sure, it helped give "energy" to the opposing political party, but -- made it easy to shut my heart and mind to one side.

Sure, I could be wrong. I could be giving credence to the Anti-Christ or an evil, bad leader. But I'm confident that if I am in error, that my mistakes could be corrected. I have a hunch, though, that the approach I'm taking is the right one for me. I want to support our new president and not be a nay-sayer this time. I've done that. I listened and laughed and repeated many a Clinton-bashing report between 1992 and 2000. I'm still not a fan of Bill Clinton nor his wife, Hillary; but Hillary is not our next president, Barak Obama is. I'm going to pray for him, support him, and hope he becomes our best president ever. That would be so cool for our country to have some good, solid leadership right now. He's not a proven leader, per se, so a lot of our hope is idealistic, but here's to progress!

As I write this, I'm not sure I'll ever post it. I have another blog that's pretty lengthy that I've shelved, because politics can divide so much. I know that religion is divisive as well, but my role as HM editor sets up the expectation that religion and music will be in the mix. Politics will just divide the audience and I don't see much reason to do that. Just as some people might make a passing comment about "unsubscribing if we start covering hip hop" (based on a short tweet/comment where I mentioned that hip-hop is fun to listen to), I hope that most people will give me a chance and "wait me out" if I make a comment that (gasp) they don't agree with. I hope that my 23-going on 24 years of printed music coverage will give those that check HM out some level of trust to know that they can pretty safely know what to expect with HM.

P.S. I was out with my family and heard some R&B tune on Bob FM, one of those stations that plays whatever the heck it wants to, jumping around from genre to genre. I remember my high school years, where there was such a divide between rock and disco. Rock was hard, like metal and disco was very smooth, dance-able and upbeat. One thing I can appreciate about hip-hop is that it’s a hard edge. I can imagine the guy steeped in R&B gravitating to the edge of hip-hop like a guy steeped in rock looks for the edge of metal, gladly leaving behind the fluff of “lite rock.” A lot of young ears today truly appreciate the diversity between rowdy hip-hop and super indie alternative rock and the uber death metal sound of some hardcore.

Trying to fool God

IN Mark 12 we read of a group refered to as "they," who were the religious leaders of His day (The chief priests, the teachers of the Law, and the elders). They flattered Him and told Him, "We know You are a man of integrity. You aren't swayed by men, because You pay no attention to who they are, but You teach the way of God in accordance with the truth..." These slick guys are trying to get away with tricking Jesus into telling them that they shouldn't pay taxes to Caesar; or that they should disobey God and give the government a portion that is reserved for God.

It points out that "Jesus knew their hypocrisy." I bet He felt kinda sick to His stomach to hear their flattery and know it was just cheap talk. His answer, about "rendering unto Caesar (whose face was on the coin) what is Caesar's and to God what is God's) was so spot on and wise that it blew these tricksters away. These were learned gentlemen, so Jesus was playing hardball with some significant competition. As a man, He was to be respected. I think it's easy to think, 'Oh, He was God, so that sort of thing was easy for Him,' but I don't think that's true. I think part of His role as the "Son of Man" and the "Son of God" was to limit Himself willingly to only operate in the realm of humanity as a Spirit-filled lover of God. This should give us hope to acheive some great things, as He left His Spirit to us, and He actually promised His followers that it was indeed a "good thing" that He was leaving Earth to send the Holy Spirit to be with us.

Another trick that is played on Him unsuccessfully is a hypothetical story about marriage and the afterlife, with a woman who marries a man's seven brothers one after another as they die off on her. Besides being a bad luck bride, Jesus puts the Sadducees down as not knowing the Scriptures very well. He references the conversation between God and Moses, where God declares that He is "the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob." These guys were dead by that time, but Jesus makes it clear that they were actually "alive" by saying, "He is not the God of the dead, but of the living."

It's neat to see Jesus treat people differently depending upon their situation and the context. He is always fair, but not always "nice."

Just growing up...

My oldest daughter isn't allowed to laugh at this, but my youngest threw a fit when she "discovered" that someone drew a mustache on her Jonas Bros. poster. My investigation shows it to be an adolescent "shadow" on his upper lip of future facial hair growth.

Photo Fun Pfriday

Just before I got dizzy... ha!





Who's that guy in the front? He don't look too well. He looks a little pekid.





Keeping warm in the, ahem, Texas cold weather...





Ain't she a rose?





This photo is evidence in an ongoing investigation regarding the missing head.





This lady creeped me out...





When nature calls...





I hear it's 3x better than Cactus Cooler





We've got a friend named Tornado. This is for her.


How 'bout them apples? Am experimenting with alternate sizes of paper for HM Magazine. A smaller format will save dollars, paper, and postage. Will be queing up The Ascendicate, new Van Morrison and Red Jumpsuit Apparatus here soon.

Mark Needs A Chick

I'm reading and blogging through the book of Mark.
I have some needs that I pray and trust God will take care of.
Mark and Needs go together, but not well ... until you ad some object. Thus "a chick." I think there was an indie band with that name a decade or so ago...

We go from Mark 11, which finds Jesus entering Jerusalem for the beginning of "Passion Week," and goes right in to some of His teachings and activity there. The first parable in chapter 12 is "The Parable of the Tenants," where a man planted a vineyard, rents it out and then sends a messenger to check in on it. They beat or kill several of these messengers. Finally, the owner has one last person to send -- his son, whom he loved. The tenants kill him, too. Jesus ends the parable by asking a question that He will answer Himself:

"What then will the owner of the vineyard do?
He will come and kill those tenants and give the vineyard to others."

Then He immediately references an Old Testament Scripture,

"The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
the Lord has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes."

(Psalm 118:22,23)

Jesus was most likely talking about His kingdom, His Father, and Himself (the Son the Owner sent). Those religious leaders listening sure interpreted it that way, because they understood that the parable was against them. They were afraid of the pro-Jesus crowd, so they left Him to go plot His demise.

One can only imagine, sometimes, what God thinks of us, His people. It's not impossible to know (I believe), because I think He's willing to tell us in prayer, and the Scriptures and creation itself shout out how He feels toward us. He loves us, but we can sure make Him feel sad when we reject Him and His love. Imagine how mad He must have gotten when "we" (humanity) killed His Son. I wonder how Jesus felt while telling this story. Was He mad, thinking about how He was being treated? Or was He already in "I feel sorry for them" mode (if He went there at all)? I guess it was good that He had a big picture perspective by this time, as being arrested, falsely charged, tortured and crucified are pretty crazy and unjust things to go through -- especially if they were thrust upon you in one big surprise. He must've spent lots of time meditating on this stuff. I bet Moses and Elijah kind of reminded Him and/or helped prepare Him for this on the "Mount of Transfiguration." I wouldn't doubt that many angels probably ministered to Him during His many all-night prayer vigils, too.

Magazine editors don't usually talk to "the public" about advertising sales, but most everyone knows that ad sales are a magazine's bread and butter, right? When I first started Heaven's Metal Magazine back in 1985, it wasn't until 1986 that record labels and other companies started running ads and this thing kind of became a "real" magazine. It's hard work selling ads, but we've been able to be successful at it since then.

Back in November of 2003 we went to press with the Jan/Feb 2004 issue with not enough ad sales and so I made the magazine smaller. It was only 56 pages and, ever since we went with web offset printing back in 1991, we have haven't been that small since. Those 56 pages of Issue #105 seemed too few -- kinda like a comic book. I've been as small as 64 a couple or a few times since then, and that's about as low as I want to go.

I think magazine publishers don't talk to the public about this kind of stuff because it shows "weakness" and people can take things the wrong way. It's true how some people panic and assume the worst when they hear something. If there's a theme to the blogs as of late, it's unintentionally been honesty and transparency.

We had a "short" issue for the latest one (Jan/Feb's #135) and we "sucked it up" and went to press, hoping to recover and do better with this next one. Last issue's ad totals were lower than they'd been anytime in the last ten years. We are basically at less than half of where we need to be. This is a good time to be a follower of Jesus, because we have someone to go to in prayer. Not that He'll magically make everything alright, but He is a counselor, an advocate, a sympathetic ear, a savior, a friend, a provider, and He fulfills many other roles completely and sufficiently.

Not sure what I'll do. One of our major features hasn't been turned in. Seems the band and/or manager has given the publicist the "run around," so bumping that story might be a good savings of space at this time. Our plans for a cool poster of a big band that's working on a new album have been dashed as well, as they have no new pictures available. These will help me to think. But one thing I do know that I will do is pray. In fact, until I leave in awhile to get a haircut (something I didn't do too often back in the early 90s), I will be praying.

Addendum:
When we've had a similar situation like this happen in the past, we prayed, I rolled up my sleeves and got more involved in "sales," we brainstormed, we prayed, and we watched our totals jump to a good level. It helps to remember how God has been faithful in the past.

EXPERIENCE = GROWTH

At the end of Mark 11, after Jesus has checked out the city, cleared out the temple, and cursed the fig tree, His disciples question Him. He basically has just shown them incredible supernatural power in causing a living fig tree to wither with the power of His words. He uses this opportunity to tell them about faith and prayer. He tells them:

“Have faith in God.
I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain,
‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’
and does not doubt in his heart
but believes that what he says will happen,
It will be done for him.
Therefore I tell you,
whatever you ask for in prayer,
believe that you have received it,
and it will be yours.
And when you stand praying,
if you hold anything against anyone,
forgive him,
so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Wow. A lot has been said about this passage. It is in the Word of God, so dismissing its message is not a good idea, in my opinion. To balance out the so-called “Faith Teachers,” I’d like to point out the very start of His message: “Have faith IN GOD.” There is a certain amount of teaching here about the concept of faith itself, but Jesus puts the prominence where it belongs by starting the thing off with telling us what to have faith in.

The last part of this passage is very important, too. If you are trying to build a formula, it would probably be healthy to include a provision like, “If you want God to answer your prayers, forgive those around you first.” It seems pretty clear that there is a condition to God’s forgiveness, which is that we should forgive others.

One thing I’ve noticed about stuff like this is that it’s easy to think we’ve learned by reading passages like this. “It’s bad to hold unforgiveness. I got it, I got it!” The problem is, unless we’ve had need to forgive others, we probably don’t really get it. I mean, it’s possible to hold on to truths and principles at a surface level. Most Christians do their best to understand and obey what they read in the Bible. But the ones that are stronger in their faith are no doubt the ones that have experienced God’s truth in their lives. Is this not true?

I can attest to this. I have led a pretty easy life for the most part. I’ve grown up in the prosperous and blessed United States of America. I had a decent handle on what forgiveness was. I mean, I knew that God had forgiven me. I have done some things that I know are bad and worthy of judgment. I am grateful for His mercy and grace. I also have had my fair share of times when I did something wrong or offended someone and I needed to ask for their forgiveness.

However, it wasn’t until I experienced something bigger in my life that I ever really had to deal with forgiving someone else. It’s one thing to know the principle and the teaching, and it’s another thing to put it into practice. Sure, I’ve forgiven people; but this was over minor things that didn’t really bother me anyway. But a few years ago I had a close friend do something that really took the wind out of my sails. Those close to me knew it was a big deal. They were nice and gentle and real and honest around me. They supported me. It took awhile to try and deal with this situation. I approached my old friend about it and I thought I’d try to point out that he’d hurt me / offended me. I figured if I told him “I forgive you,” that it wouldn’t make sense unless I first pointed out what I was forgiving him for.

His reaction to the situation helped me process it better. Like any conflict, there are two sides and I had offended him. He had already forgiven me, though, and he told me so. That was a cool reminder for me to deal with it and truly forgive him. Part of forgiveness is that it can sometimes be a process. If someone’s offended you, you can forgive them and sometimes be over it; but if you’re not … if you find yourself still offended or still hurt by it, then you need to forgive again. This is something you can do in your heart.

There is a difference between reconciliation and forgiveness. Both are related. Both are necessary and reconciliation won’t really take place until forgiveness does, but sometimes forgiveness can be a “heart process” that happens privately more than once; where reconciliation can sometimes happen one time and that’s the end of it. The flipside is also true. Someone can flat-out forgive someone and be over it, but reconciliation, because we’re talking a relationship, might need to happen in stages.

Anyway, it’s kind of cool how God uses our experience to help us grow. Someone who’s been through such and such problem can obviously help another with said problem better than someone who’s never come close to it (at least most of the time, that’s the case…there’s exceptions to a lot of these hypothetical situations). When I read a passage about “forgiving others so that your Father in heaven will forgive you,” I have an experience that helps bring that principle to life, so to speak. It seems to resonate more, because I’ve experienced it.

My Flat Screen TV Story

This is a story I had an idea to share, but I really didn't want to share it. It's kind of personal. It deals with some of my own fears and doubts and, gosh darn it, people won't like me. Ha ha.
(clears throat)
"Sorry, Al Franken." Er, should I say, "Senator Al Franken?!"
That's insane, but weirder things have happened right there in Minnesota.

I digress.

I have been wanting a letterbox, widescreen TV for over 10 years. As soon as I started buying DVDs, which goes back to at least 1998, I wanted to have a widescreen television screen to watch them on. I went over to Holland on a visit as part of my trip to cover the Christmas Rock Night festival in Ennepetal, Germany. I went to Holland to visit my friend and former intern, Wilco deLonge. When we visited downtown Amsterdam, I stopped into an electronic shop or two and saw lots of widescreen TVs that were short and super wide, to display the panaramic 16:9 ratio of widescreen movies, like how they were shot. These were not plasma screen TV sets, but CRT (Cathode Ray Tube) sets that were very deep, like most sets of the day. Seeing all those furthered my great desire to have one. The flat panel plasma televisions of that time ranged from $15,000 to $5,000 for a widescreen 42" plasma model. There's no way I had that kind of money then, nor would I have spent it if I did.

Fast-forward 8 or 9 years. My wife and I both receive our income from HM Magazine. As you might (or might not) imagine, this is not an extravagant or lavish income. We live on a budget and have been able to take advantage of government assistance in various contexts due to our income.

Parenthetically, this is one of those reasons why I shelved the idea of blogging about this. Who shares with the entire world what their salary is? I guess certain very public figures and public servants, etc, have no choice. But it's not a very polite thing to share -- especially in a compare-with-others kind of society we have here in the West.

Anyway, there is not a good reason to spend the $600 to over $1,000 on a new flat-panel television set in our present context -- especially when we have a perfectly good 4:3 ratio 30-inch television set (a display model I got at Best Buy for $300 back in 1996, by the way). So, what I would do is try to earn extra income. I would do this by picking up freelance writing jobs or selling CDs and DVDs that I no longer listened to. I'd keep this money in a coffee can at times; or at other times give it to my wife to deposit into our personal account, keeping a mental note of what my "extra" balance was.

Sometimes I'd get some good opportunities. Last year (well, that's 2007, actually) I was offered a cover story assignment on David Crowder for CCM Magazine. Like most magazines (unlike HM, unfortunately), CCM Magazine paid a fair market value for their writing assignments. I got a nice $500 check for this piece. 'Ahh,' I thought, 'this is almost enough by itself to get a 42" plasma TV at 720i resolution. That was kind of my plan. But our daughter needed braces. Do you know how much braces can cost?

Six months to a year previous Revolver Magazine asked me to compose a list of "Top 10 Christian metal albums" of all time. Both of us wanted to cradle a balance of past and present, so narrowing down the greatness of our scene into 10 albums was an exercise in futility. But they paid me handsomely for that. I can't remember, but probably at least $200 for that. For the past two or three years (but not counting the last 9 months, since CCM stopped printing), I was doing an album review or article for CCM every month or so. This provided maybe an extra $100 per month. But our family needs to go on a vacation of some sort at least once every three years (or at least that seems reasonable to us). We went Disneyworld after Christmas about 5 years ago, and stuff like that ain't cheap. But mostly I'm talking about just a family excursion to a place like Schlitterbahn (which, if you haven't heard of or gone to the place, you must check it out) or Six Flags Over Texas, and those types of trips aren't cheap, either.

Anyway, if it wasn't a personal family medical need or a vacation type need, it was something else. All my plans for getting a 42" widescreen TV just seemed to get blindsided by other needs that were just as or (most of the time) much more important than an unnecessary TV purchase.

A year ago, I was asked to judge the final round for Famecast

in Austin, Texas for the Contemporary Christian, Latin, and Country music categories. It was shot and edited like a show like American Idol, with 3 judges sharing comments and choosing a winner, along with online votes, behind-the-scenes footage with artists, etc. Anyway, they paid me what is (or at least was) the Statuatory Rate for the television industry, which is a nice $500. 'Alright, I thought, if I can earmark any of my extra income with this $500, surely I can afford to buy a $700 TV.' As with all real important decisions, of course, I needed to have agreement with my wife. If I demand on spending our money a certain way and she doesn't, well, that promotes dissension, and that's not good. I thought I had a good argument and I could make this purchase without hurting our budget.

These are just a few examples, but this Famecast check opportunity was squelched by some other need. When your income is so much and your expenses are so much, it can take discipline and care to budget those things, like keeping limit on spending in the Spring and Summer so that you'll have any money left over to buy Christmas presents. Even birthday presents should be accounted for. That is, if you want to avoid being in debt and a prisoner to high interest rates from credit card companies. That's another story altogether, right there.

Last February my wife and I went to Uganda, Africa. While my expenses were covered, we stepped out on faith and covered my wife's trip. During that trip, we got to see real poverty up close and personal. We sat on hard-packed dirt/mud floors in 4-foot by 8-foot homes. I got to talk to some of the people that made the trip with us, like Shaun Groves, who shared with me during one of the 16 podcast interviews I did (which is a great episode of the HM Magazine Podcast from last year, by the way), where he told me about how his mind and heart helped him to change the way he lived. "I had the awesome enterainment system," he said. "I had all that." He's since become a full-time Compassion Int'l staff member (I believe) and has moved into a house and neighborhood that's much more modest than the keep-up-with-the-joneses music industry peers in Nashville. He lives a simpler life so others can escape poverty. Making some minor changes in his life can mean huge changes in the lives of children and families that are in the midst of poverty.

Besides having "real life" expenses and events shoot down my television acquisition plans, there was the concept of simplifying as a means of being responsible with the riches God's given me. It's been stated here and other places many times before, but if you take the monetary incomes of all the people in the world, the average American is in the top 1% of the wealthiest. Of course, none of us "average Americans" feel like we're living large, but that's because we compare ourselves to some successful, multi-platinum artist we see on MTV Cribs. Trying comparing yourself to some family in El Salvador or Kenya or Singapore.

Anyway, there was that unexpected trip to Africa. There was my high school reunion this last October. Since our kids are home schooled, it seemed like a good idea to take everyone along for one of those family vacations. These type of trips cost a lot of money. That sure seems like no time to be buying a new TV set.

So, anyway, back in September we got one of those checks from the government, which is meant to offer a boost to the economy. Having two kids, we got about $1,600. I was finally able to badger (or did I say bludgeon?) my wife into agreeing to letting me buy a TV. I had a couple hundred bucks from my old band's merch account, which I kept active long after the band split up in 1994. I did some freelance design work for some advertising clients who didn't have the resources to design their own ad, nor pay the industry standard rate to get a private designer to do it for them, and I used that with a little bit of this tax incentive money to buy a Vizio 42" LCD HDTV that was a 1080p set that was on sale for $897.

I had my eye on this model as the one I'd be willing to get, but I kept shopping around -- both online and in stores -- to see if I could find a better deal. I figured that, if I spent an extra $100 or $200 than what I really wanted to spend (which was about $700), then getting the extra quality of 1080p would be worth it over settling on a 720p... I really wanted one that did split-screen PIP (picture-in-picture), but it seems that most HDTV's these days aren't including that feature.

Anyway, it was comical, but one attempt to purchase a set in this range after another fell through. When I went with my family to a Walmart, finally settling on this Vizio (which is now going for $797, by the way -- ), I had the blessing of my wife, but this store didn't have it. "Let me call around the other Walmarts," the clerk said. Nope. All regional Walmarts were out of this TV at that time. I waited another week or two. When I went into a store that had the set in stock, I brought my checkbook and found out that their quantity on their computer included two in-store display models. My wife even said something like, "See, God is telling you not to buy the TV." It was frustrating. Even though I knew what I wanted and I was running out of patience, or so I thought, I had to consider that she might be right.

However, while I think God can lead us with circumstances; I think it can be foolish to put too much stock in them. Personal prayer -- even about buying a TV or a car or a house or a guitar -- can give us access to God Himself. According to the Bible, He loves it when we ask Him for wisdom. Wisdom can come from lots of places, too. Anyway, I was cautious, but didn't really think or was ready to believe that it was God shutting the door on this TV purchase.

More important than the TV, I think, was having harmony. Spending large amounts of money on things when your spouse does not agree does not promote harmony.

Finally, one of the Walmarts in Austin had two units in stock that were not in-store displays. I went down to the store late at night and picked up the TV. The place was packed on a Friday or Saturday (or maybe it was a Sunday) night at about 10 or 11pm. Crazy! It looked like Christmas, but it was only late August or early September. I struggled to make the TV fit into our car, noting that I probably would not have made it fit into our smaller VW. See how rich we are? Seriously! (I'm not trying to be silly here) We have two cars. This is really a luxury and a blessing not to be taken for granted.

I am excited to get it home, unload it carefully from the box and discover that it's not wrapped in cushiony material like a $900 TV should be. I decide to wait a day and take it back the next day. At the time, it seemed like another example of a shut door in my quest.

sigh...

The next evening I take it back to Walmart, put it on a cart and carefully drive the boxed TV set to the Customer Service counter. "Reason you're returning it, sir?"

"It had obviously been opened before I purchase it. If I'm going to spend this much money on a TV, I'd like to know that it's really brand new."

These LCD and plasma type TV sets have so many thousands of hours in the lamps inside. It should last 10 to 20 years with normal use; but if it's a display model ... do you know how many hours they've been on already? My goodness! Walmart's are open 24 hours a day and those TV display units have to be going non-stop for several months before they are sold. There's no way I want to buy one of those for near full-price.

I go into the TV department and find the other large box with this TV on the floor. I peek through the handle and see the kind of soft-material wrapping a new set would have, and I cart it back on a normal shopping cart (very carefully). After processing the return, I notice that it's one of those items that is so large that it gets people looking. Once the exchange was final, I wheeled the large box on a big cart along the back of the store, behind row after row of check-out registers.

I had a lot of eyes on me and, all of a sudden, it was like I could vividly imagine myself wheeling this TV set down the streets of Kampala, Uganda. Lots of kids, looking at me, curious. Watching the rich man wheel his giant and luxuriously cool gadget item home to his castle. While not a single look was a glare or judgment in my mind's eye, it was like all the guilt was self-imposed. Man, that was a weird experience.

I felt kind of like a cold-hearted man that was buying a luxury item to pamper himself, ignoring the hurting and impoverished around him.

In some ways, I feel like I deserved to have an Ally McBeal moment like that, because I was buying something extravagant. I don't give myself too much grief or punish myself for it, but I do give myself pause and remember what's really important and think about how, 'If I can spend so much energy to get my hands on a prize, why can't I spend that kind of energy to help others -- with no motivation to better myself in the process?'

Now that is an interesting thought.

By the way, I was pretty happy to find out that the HD signals from our cable provider are part of the normal package we pay for. Someone had told me, 'Oh, if you get one of these new HDTV sets, your hidden cost is going to be the higher cable bill you pay to get the fancier High-Def channels.' That frustrated me, because I did not want to pay an extra dime for that type of service. But, wow, do football games and other coverage look so much better in HD! I knew I'd be tempted if it was extra, but I was committed to just enjoying DVDs with this HDTV and normal TV signals. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that all or most cable providers just pass on the HD signals as part of their normal coverage.

I apologize for the lengthy blog post, but the idea for this has been jelling awhile and I felt like doing it.

Am I Crazy, or What?

I am planning on doing something kind of vulnerable in the near future. I'd sure like to finish the book of Mark that I started blogging about a month or two ago. I think I will try to finish that up before I begin with something new. But this new thing is a 40-day challenge called The Love Dare. It's a book that started out as a plot device for the movie Fireproof. The movie makers actually wrote a book around this plot device and it's become quite a popular seller.

The book is a serious 40-day challenge to re-think and re-focus our love and our marriage partners. Because this is so personal, and because this might get intense, I cannot promise anything going in (like finishing it), but I am going to say "Damn the torpedoes!" and forge ahead and do this thing. There's risk involved. I haven't read it in advance. I only know that my marriage will certainly benefit by doing so. I hope that it edifies those reading this blog. I won't be able to help myself by commenting on musical stuff as it happens in my life around the same time, but that won't be the focus, I'm sure, but just the background of my life as I go through this book.

If you want to follow along, I dare ya to do so. Comment as you wish. You can find the book anywhere, I'm sure, at places like amazon.

This is also a good time to bring up my twitter account. If you like the anecdotal comments about music I'm listening to, what's going on at HM Magazine right now, and lots of other random stuff, etc, it's like a text-only web cam that gives a description of that kinda stuff. My facebook account is basically an HM Magazine facebook account, and both my twitter posts and this blog are posted there, as well.

Well, I posted up the Lee Strobel interview. Tomorrow I'll plan on posting a band interview, like Ruth, Jonezetta, The Showdown, or The Almost. I've got a cover story on The Devil Wears Prada to write today.

Lookout

Here's what is planned (Lord willing, day-to-day) for next week:


Ewrin McManus
Jonezetta
Lee Strobel
Ruth
The Showdown
The Almost

A taste of Heaven

Last Saturday was an event I'd been looking forward to for a few months now. The former Associate Pastor at Mission Hills Church was going to be in Austin around Christmas break and wanted to get together with a bunch of the folks from the Mission Hills Church days. I had blogged about my Mission Hills experience a couple months ago. It was a fantastic church that doesn't really exist anymore. A remnant of the core carried on after a merger with another church and, after two name changes, resides at Red River Church near the campus of UT. This church was kind enough to host this wonderful event that began last Saturday at 11am and that went until 5pm or later (I had to split at 5 for an obligation at my current home church).

First, we prepared the tables for eating. This is what Heaven will be like, for sure. Lots of eating. And, you know what's cool? We probably won't have the same NEED for food in our new heavenly bodies, but we'll eat for PLEASURE. How cool is that? Even the person that only eats for survival and the person addicted to (over)eating will have the pleasure (I assume) of eating just for that reason alone. That sounds cool. I enjoyed a brownie/dessert/concoction that tasted familiar. It must've been what a former Mission Hill-er used to bring to our functions back in the day. Kind of a cookie crust thing with chocolate chips, caramel and maybe some creme cheese (I don't know).

Then we cleaned up, which, as a group, was fun because we were with each other. We went across the parking lot from the gym to the sanctuary and enjoyed an introduction by Maury Millican as to what was planned, which was a microphone at the front and one person from each family ("tribe") getting up and sharing in two minutes or less what had been going on for the last ten to 20 years. One person even used a cookie timer to keep the speakers honest during the "Tribal Update" time. It was neat to see the same transparency, lack of pretense, and joy that reverberated within this body of believers -- even these many years later. The Lord had taken us all through and to different areas. One person pointed out that it seemed that ever single person that shared reported that they were either involved in education, music, or missions/ministry. It was a real cool thing.

Not only had we "done church" together for many years, but we bonded. In a lot of ways we were able to pick up right where we left off. Many of the folks had kids that were grown or growing up. One of our technical experts set up a chat on a mac notebook, which allowed our former pastor, Jayson Knox, and his wife to see us, talk to us (they saw us through a mini-cam and we saw them on a giant flat-screen tv serving as a monitor) and watch.

I don't judge events or growth or truth by my feelings. I know how foolish and dangerous that can be. However, I choose not to cut myself off from emotions -- that part of my soul or spirit or whatever we should call it. I embrace emotions when they come and usually don't police them or shove tears back inside my throat, so to speak. I might have even gone overboard to an extreme and been proud of my tears (gosh, I hope not), but when I'm worshiping or experiencing great joy and a tear flows down my cheek, I won't care. Anyway, I personally shed a lot of tears this day -- tears of joy and also tears I couldn't explain. Singing some of those God-breathed worship songs ... I can barely breath, for some reason. I guess I am trying to maintain composure a little bit at those times, because if I truly let all the way go, I'd be a sobbing mess on the floor. Maybe I should have. Who knows? What I do know is that I was as high as a kite on the joy that God was flooding my heart with. This was good stuff.

I might have been alone and unique in my experience, but I know that others were really enjoying it, too. My wife and I both appreciated that our kids were witnessing one person after another testify about how God was working through their lives. That was cool.

We were treated to a concert with Paul Q-Pek's new band -- Vertical Sound System. I have some hideously crappy and horrid 30-second snippets that I took with my turned-sideways cellphone camera that you can check out (I wouldn't advise it ... I mean, the footage and audio is just pathetic). Between a couple songs, Maury invited anyone and everyone to come to the front, use the microphone and offer prayers, victories, losses... He made a brief comment about how the Christian life was not some fake "oh, I'm SO happy all the time" jump up and down thing, but real life -- with ups and downs. He rattled off about three statements where he emphasized "...YOU (do this)..." and "...YOU (do that)..." and "...YOU prophesy..." It was a cool call and it released everyone there to assume their role as saint and minister, unleashing a body ministry time that was very orderly, laid-back, sometimes tearful, sometimes reading a passage of Scripture, and sometimes testifying, sometimes requesting prayer for healing, and, like everything else that day, just real... It turned a 40-minute set into a 2-hour time of sharing and songs.

We took communion. We hugged. We prayed. Man, I had a great time.

It's a little difficult to put this into perspective. Mission Hills Church (which started out as The Church of the Heart Set Free and changed its name after a year or two due to how weird it sounded, changing right when we moved locations, so it was a perfect time for that) was like a season in our lives -- from 1986 until 1999 or so, depending on your timeline for when the church as a unique entity ceased to operate. Getting back together to share was nostalgic, but it was given leadership that focused it on the thing that united us -- Jesus. That's some Substance right there. Wow.

I just wanted to share that.

Who knows what or if anything will happen with these various brothers and sisters. Maury and Linda have talked to the church that he pastors in North Dakota about re-locating to Austin again. The thought of reuniting as a church probably crossed all of our minds on Saturday, but there is no plan, no agenda. We are all plugged into various other local bodies at the moment; but we've loosely agreed to meet again on the first Saturday of the new year each year. I know I will look forward to the next.

Confessions of a coward.

I have lost and backed away from more fights than I've won. Let's see. I remember my first day of riding the bus to school. I seem to recall that it was a kid younger than me, which would mean it was first grade, but it might've been kindergarten. (Like it really matters now) Anyway, this smaller kid that I under-estimated and I got into it and he bloodied my nose or something. My older sister had to walk me back to the house and I must've gotten a ride to school in my mom's safe and warm car. It might've been our '65 Mustang even. I didn't have any more troubles with that kid. Sometimes just standing up to someone and fighting them resolves the conflict issue -- even if you end up losing the fight. I'd say I lost that one.

I think it was in 6th grade where I won my only fight -- and that is disputable. For some reason, I wanted to fight someone and I had it in for this one guy that was a year older than I. Billy Juhaz lived up the street and one day he was playing baseball out in the street with our mutual friends. As I was riding my bike down the hill past their game, he yelled at me that my mom had been calling me home for dinner. I said something like, "I know, ya faggot!" I got off my bike as he walked over. When he got close, I swung a left hook that connected with him. Shocked, he said, "What'd ya do that for?" I shrieked back, "Cuz I hate ya!" And then we raised our fists and started slugging it out. I remember hearing David McNeal remark how we were standing toe to toe with each other and just exchanging blows to each other's face. My sister's boyfriend, Wesley, was sitting on our front porch, smiling at this fight that I'd told him I was going to start. Eventually we were wrestling on the ground and my mom came out and started screaming at us to stop. By the time she got close enough to break it up, I jumped up and yelled, "The champ!" Billy looked at me and said something like, "Whatever!" (though I'm sure that wasn't it, because that phrase wasn't in vogue in 1976.) It was more like a draw, and that was the closest I've ever come to winning a real fistfight. Oh well. My mom made me go to his house later and apologize. His parents made him do the same. I'm glad I didn't get wholly blamed for that fight, because his braces might've gotten damaged. We became friends and hung out a little bit after that.

I don't remember any more fights until I was in junior high. One kid in my home room, Sidney Pollino, "called me out," (which I learned was the phrase to use back then in that place, kinda like "Will you go with me?" was the way to ask a girl to go steady...) and I met him after school. We were duking it out and he was getting the better of me when an adult walked up and broke up the fight, yelling at us and forcing us to separate and walk away. Sidney described me as a bruised and bloody mess, I think, because when his friends saw me the next morning, they acted like he was lying, "He doesn't look that bad!"

8th grader Roger Bolles threatened me when I was in seventh grade for throwing my rolled up gym shirt and shorts at him on the bus. "You do that again and I'll kick your (bleep)!" I proceeded to laugh and do it again. I faced off with him in the middle of a circle of about 4 or 5 friends at the bus stop. He connected with my face with about every punch and I pretty much only swung at the air. We never had a problem with each other before or since.

In 8th grade a classmate, whom I later learned was an instigator and troublemaker, asked me a question about Tom Porter not being at our school anymore. "If he was here, I'd kick his (bleep)!" I proclaimed. This guy (I think his name was Todd ... thanks a lot, Todd) lived close to Tom, and he told him the next day what I'd said. I was over at my friend Tommy Lovelace's house when Tom arrived on his bicycle. We played some football together and at some point he told me what Todd said. "Did you say that?" he asked me. I lied. I told him that I hadn't said that. I was pretty confident that I wouldn't be able to live up to my boast, so I backed down by lying. I remember him scrunching up in anticipation of my tackle on a play later on, which made me feel better about being a lying and inferior fighter. I have to say, though, I respect the guy for coming to me to defend his honor. As much as I thought of him as a simple-minded bully type, you've gotta respect someone that'll do that. If I could do it all over again, I'd fess up to him that I'd said such and such, but also tell him that I was sorry and didn't want to fight, and it'd be nice to pay him the respect he was due for his actions.

In high school there was only 2 or 3 opportunities to fight, as I obviously never looked for them. Two were with the same guy. He was the older brother of my best friend. Both times I backed down from him. The second time was in the cafeteria when we were taking a test on the football team. I think all the offensive players had to show that they knew the plays in our playbook. This guy, Mike Z, quietly threatened me. I'm not sure anyone else overheard, but if our defensive coordinator overheard, I kind of wish I would have stood up to the guy, because I could've scored "bravery" points.

The other high school fight opportunity came from another older brother of a friend. I had been out with my friends on a friday night. We had been partying in his car and stopped by the school parking lot to check out the high school dance that was going on after a football game. While walking across the parking lot, I spied a pair of Lightning Bolt sandals that I really liked. Since they were abandoned in the parking lot, I took them with me to the car. As we were preparing to leave, a California Highway Patrolman stationed in the parking lot approached the car. He asked me to return the sandals I took, as he'd watched the owner leave them there and then saw me take them. I returned them, while the police officer noticed the smell of marijuana around the car. He searched the vehicle, found a bag of weed and a bong. He confiscated both, arrested one of my friends (the rest of us split, I recall). His older brother, Chris C, blamed me for losing this expensive contraband and approached me with a threat in my neighborhood one day soon after. He said he'd heard me real bad -- "put you in the hospital" type damage, he said, unless I paid him back. Even though I was in shape and physically fit, I was fearful of taking on someone else with unknown fighting abilities. Another friend and I went to the parking lot of the nearby commisary/base exchange, where there was a hose and water faucet and washed cars one saturday. Since the senior class students often did fund-raiser car washes there, many passersby assumed that this was one of those, and we did some brisk business. I pocketed $35 and later gave it to Chris C and his friend, who visited my house, I assume, to back up his threat if I didn't pay up. One of our teachers at school had even caught wind of this extortion and he told me not to dare pay this guy any money, but to avoid the possibility of physical harm, I backed down.

While part of me regrets not facing the danger and fighting these guys, I am also fairly respectful of the increased risk involved when young men fight. The potential for lasting physical damage is greater. For better or worse, this is how it happened and I'm here now. I'm not proud to admit I was a coward, but just like your victories, you can forget and get past your defeats.

Why-TING

Today is a writing day.
Am taking today off as a day of posting one "Online Exclusive" per day. We've got a bunch of raw, exclusive interviews to post. Next week I'll plan on posting the Brad Noah interview, Jonezetta, The Almost (yes, the "pooped in my pants it was so hot" interview), Ruth, and interviews with authors Lee Strobel and Erwin McManus.

I think Syntax Records does a great job with hip-hop. I wish we had some hip-hop labels supporting our hip-hop section. We did a big 2-page feature article on a hot hip-hop artist, along with a sidebar of news + reviews of new stuff. I liked being able to show some respect to a genre that is raw and intense like metal (but in a very different way, stylistically, of course). I liked being able to defend a genre that is effectively ignored in the Christian music scene. But anyway, HM is a hard music magazine, which is related, and that's why we had that section, but I always hoped labels that did hip-hop would support it. There was a little of that, but it petered out. When ad sales dipped a little and I had to pick something to nix from the mag, I took out the "Intermission" section, the hip-hop section, the "Classic Moments" section, and one page from the Hard News. I hate having to make decisions like that, but it's kinda necessary when the ads aren't there. We gotta pay those print bills somehow, ya know.

Some people hate hip-hop and they voice their concerns whenever they see any hints that it might get covered in HM. I appreciate the fact that the vast majority of HM readers (I think) trust me to be balanced and stay true to what we're about. If you wonder what we're about, let me just say "Living Sacrifice." That kinda covers it, doesn't it? If that's not enough, I'll say "Underoath."

Google Chrome

Hey - if you could be the leading web browser in your field; or get Mad Cow Disease, which would you choose?

I am using the new web browser, Google Chrome, and ... so far, so good. I like it. I have been a fan of the open source innovations, like google documents, which I scrapped my old message board for a few months ago. I like to use the docs feature to share documents I'm working on with other magazine folks.

I reviewed the new Paramore live album this morning and I'm hoping to get a few hours of writing done today. I'm listening to Johnny Cash read me the book of Mark. I'm reviewing Cash Chapter & Verse, which is a Bible on DVD. I'm excited about this new issue.

Instead of reading Mark, chapter 11 for a blog devotional, I listen to Johnny read it. Earlier we looked at how people worshiped Jesus as He rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. In chapter 13, it mentions how He was hungry and a fig tree let Him down. He cursed the living thing, in a sense, telling it that it would never bear fruit again. This is kind of funny. On one hand, it showed off His power over the natural world. On the other hand, it could almost be seen as an abuse of His power. which is exactly the kind of thing He chose not to do in His time on earth for 33 years. It was as if He put Himself under a self-imposed limitation, leaving His powers as God untouched and unused, except for the leading of His Father (through, I presume, the Holy Spirit). On face value, it appears that He cursed this plant simply out of frustration for not providing Him some nourishment when He wanted it. I wouldn't accuse Jesus of doing this, thing, as I respect Him and trust that my lack of understanding is the fault here, not His actions. Maybe He said this simply for His disciples' benefit, for it plainly says that they heard it in verse 14. The guys pass by this fig tree later the next morning, where they see it dried up from the roots. Jesus took this point to encourage them to have faith and to ask God for miracles and moving mountains, as well as forgiving others.

There was the big scene in the temple in this chapter as well, where He turned over tables and rebuked the deceptive money changers and reminded them, "My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations."