Doug Van Pelt

MISSING CAT

Mercy
(sibling to Surely and Goodness)
Last seen at HM Ranch on Monday, January 28
$500 Reward (in Monopoly Money)
If found, please email lustcontrol(at)hmmag.com

THE FINAL FEAR BLOG [Uganda.9]

Okay, this is the blog where I chronicle and "get out" all of my fears about this upcoming trip. Here's where I take an unflinching look...


Hold it right there!!!
Let me re-phrase that: "Here's where I take a look, with flinching and clenching, and possibly shaking and quivering..."
he he he


When we went to get our shots (the cost of which could've almost purchased a used motocross bike), the nurse there went through a book that highlights some of the risks involved in this trip.


Malaria. There has been a "Malaria risk in the whole country."
Yikes! I have to avoid mosquitos like the plague ... for real!
We were told to spray our bedding with mosquito spray, so we don't get bit at night. Wow.


Hepatitis A, which has risks with food and water transmission.
Hepatitis B, which is blood and body fluid. No tattoos for me in Uganda!


Tetanus/diphtheria/acellular pertussis.
What? I have to be concerned about tetanus?! I don't plan on stepping on any nails ... but I got a shot for it anyway.


Tuberculosis. Wow, I haven't dealt with this in a while. The first time I can remember was when a girl in our high school had TB. I think the whole school population got shots or something. Then, after I got fired from my Christian bookstore (Music Buyer) job,** I started doing some substitute teaching. I had to fetch my college transcripts and get a TB shot for that. And then a year or two ago I had to get another shot so I could babysit for our friend's then foster child. Anyone caring for a foster child in the state of Texas, I guess, has to be protected for that. I not only had to get another TB shot, but we have to go back within six months of this trip for another one! "Both of these countries (Uganda and South Africa) have reported a disturbing appearance and spread of both multi-drug resistant adn extreme drug resistant tuberculosis. These cases are mostly in the rural areas of both countries where people can't afford proper treatment or don't use their medication properly."


Poliomyelitis. What? Polio?! There is an epidemic in the area. There is "person to person nasopharyngeal transmission. I guess if someone sneezes around me, I'll say, "God bless you and curse that foul disease that just came out of your nose!" (I'm just kidding, of course)


Meningitis. "Epidemic in area... There are 2,000 cases with 65 deaths in Uganda and health officials expect more cases to surface."


Typhoiod Fever.


Yellow Fever. "This is an endemnic zone and the vaccination is highly recommended. Over the past few years the number of reported cases of yellow fever has increased dramatically and the potential transmission zone has expanded to urban areas. Actual number of Yellow Fever infections exceeds reported cases.


Cholera. "Uganda reports 487 cases with 12 deaths from Oct/Dec."


Ebola. "116 cases reported. 338 under observation with 30 dead since September."


Plague. "180 cases with 19 dead have been reported so far this year."
Wow, the plague! That is unreal to even be talking about.


A lot of this is unreal. I can't imagine the risk and worry that mothers and grandmothers have for their missionary children, etc. Seems like I just heard a story a couple weeks ago about a doctor that gave up his practice here to help out in Africa and he recently succombed to one of these terrible diseases and died.


Then there's reports about violence and whatnot. Originally, this Blogger's Tour was going to be in Kenya. This beloved country has lions in the wild. Oooh, that gets me stoked. It's a good thing now they moved it to Uganda (because of the need for guaranteed high speed internet each day where we stay ... for the blogging). Kenya has, of course, of late been rife with violence and political upheaval. It's good that they moved the destination, now.


In the book prepared for us by Passport Travel, there's a warning about safety and security. Here's an excerpt:


Armed banditry and attacks on vehicles are also very common in the Karamoja region of Northereastern Uganda, and the Uganda People's Defense Forces (UPDF) continues to implement a program to disarm Karamojong warriors. Incidents during the past two years have included ambushes of UPDF troops, and attacks on vehicles, residences, and towns that resulted in multiple deaths. Most of the violence occurred in the districts of Kaabong, Kotido, and Abim, although some violent incidents also occurred in Moroto and Nakapiripirit Districts. American citizens are advised to avoid travel to the Karamoja region given the frequent insecurity."


Wow. I can imagine that, if I saw something like that occuring, before jumping into action, I might have feelings of subtle anger, 'Crap!' kind of like how I felt when I flipped my VW Beetle about 3 years ago. 'There goes my rearview mirror. Bummer, that's going to cost a lot to replace. Oh, I'm rolling over now...' It was almost humorous to feel things slow down as a fast roll was happening. It could be a passing thought of frustation, like: 'I didn't sign up for this!'


Besides signing medical forms for this trip, since it's going to a remote location and might involve some strenuous hiking. There was also fine print to sign off on about some worst-case scenerios, like "Extraction" and an agreement not to sue (Compassion). Under the Extraction clause, it mentions:


"The policy of Compassion International is that it will not pay ransom or yield to demands of any individual or group. In the event of an arrest or detention by legitimate governments or other forces, the Organization will do everything within its power and resources to gain release. In the event of threats to the life, the Organization shall use legitimate, prudent means, including evacuation, if necessary, for safeguarding life. If, for whatever reason, I am individually or in a group, involved in a kidnapping, piracy, or hijacking, I hereby agree to allow Compassion or their delegate to represent me and my family in any negotiation proceedings..."


Nothing to get nervous about, Doug! ha ha...
People have varying reactions to stuff like this. A "Nervous Ninny" might fret and worry over possible and potential threats like this. "Reckless Randy" might fly right past all the fine print and just deal with what happens if and when it presents itself. I think I'm more in the Randy category. All these potential risks are worth taking a look at, so I can know what I'm getting me and my wife into, but worrying about something that has little chance of happening is probably a waste of time. I trust that God will be watching out for us and the rest of the tour party. I plan on staying prayerful (and we covet your prayers now and in the coming weeks) during this trip. I think about believers that have their travels chronicled in the Bible, like Paul the apostle. While he was out doing what he was told by the Lord, following His lead and spreading the kingdom, he didn't think twice of gathering wood for a fire after a shipwreck. When he was bitten by a viper, he shook it off and was protected. If we looked at the statistics of general safety (like the ninconpoop character in the movie The Darwin Awards), we might never leave our house!


There are many verses in the Bible that say, "Do not fear!" The context of many of those, by the way, were with angelic visits, to which the visitee cowered in fear to the supernatural presence in front of them. The angels would tell the people, "Do not fear!" It seemed to be a pretty calming affect on the people. As a side-note, this is an argument I like to use with Jehovah's Witnesses or other people that try to argue that Jesus was just an angel and not the God-in-skin Second Person of the Trinity. The angelic visitations recorded in the Bible were accompanied by exhortations not to worship them, "I am just a servant, do not worship me!" Jesus, on the other hand, received worship time and time again, according to the New Testament. If He was just an archangel, He would've been obligated to forbid those supposedly misguided people from worshiping Him.


The Word also mentions that "perfect love casts out fear." I think in many ways love is kind of like the opposite of fear. It's a choice we can make. When we are afraid, we can choose to have courage and face our fears. We can pray to the One Who is more powerful than our danger/threat/risk and ask Him to help us.


I'll end this enormously long blog with a prayer:


Father,
Thank You SO much for revealing Yourself to us. We haven't acted good enough in our lives to deserve or earn Your love, but You have chosen us and lavished Your love upon us. Thank You! While there are dangers out there and some risks in this trip, I place myself and my wife in Your care and choose to trust You for our safety. Please allow us to walk in that trust, where we can put fear out of our mind and focus on those around us and be sensitive to Your voice, waiting in expectation for You to use us to help and love those around us. Thank You so much for this opportunity. We thank You in advance for working through us and with us in doing things we cannot even imagine at this point. We pray in the Name of Your Son, Jesus.
Amen.

McManus is cool

I mean, he references one of Foo Fighters great songs in his conclusing (and longest) chapter -- Seek.

"All my life I've been searching for something
Something never comes
Never leads to nothing
Nothings satisfies but I'm getting close
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope."

Their One By One album rules. It's my favorite of theirs, by far...
Anyway, the author is wrapping up this book in this long chapter. This chapter kind of sums up the book. If you are too tired, cheap, or lazy to read the book (if the shoe fits, wear it, it's okay ... we can't all read everything), then just read this chapter. What you're missing are just a large collection of stories and great quotes that form the basis for these conclusions.

"Dreams are the art form of hope. They paint a picture of the life we desire."

That's hot.
And check this paragraph out:

"Your soul craves, and it's God you are longing for. So listen carefully to the conversation going on inside your head. Don't worry. You're probably not going crazy. I do know in this case you're not talking to yourself. God is trying to get your attention and bring you into relationship with him. If you will pay attention to your soul, it will guide you to God."

Erwin Raphael McManus concludes the book with an invitation to continue the conversation:

Join us on the quest by coming to www.awakenhumanity.org
I'm going there.

Why do we go there?

Imagine a father or mother asking their child (who just shared how much they liked such and such a song): "Why do you like/insist on listening to secular music?" And this parent tearing up, insinuating that it must break God's heart and his/her heart to do such a thing. This person became so attached to the notion that secular music was a bad poison that would effect their children in the same way that evil, secular music had become a soundtrack to the sin in their past life ... they entrenched their mind so deep into this belief that they became emotional when they saw this viewpoint violated or disagreed with. What a shame that this person might manipulate another with emotional pressure -- especially if he or she was completely wrong about their assumption!

How do we get so misled?

I can relate to this in a small way. This morning when I arrived two of the three usual feline greeters came up the driveway to meet me. Mercy, however, was nowhere to be found. This has happened before, as the wandering cat (not always the same one) turns up later in the day. My mind, though, will start to wonder, 'Did Mercy get eaten by wolves? Did Mercy get stolen? Mercy has no collar on. Someone may have assumed that this cat is not owned by someone.' It goes on and on and I could actually start getting worried.

That is so lame -- that my imagination would go wild like that. I have made a mental note to pick up another flea collar for Mercy; and it's true that this cat could be gone, but it's probably not the case. There's absolutely no need or reasonable basis to step into the area of worry.

God actually went out of His way to tell us not to worry about things. Doctors can probably vouch for this idea as well; as worry and stress probably work against the well-being and health of a body.

It's kinda like what McManus has been touching on lately about trust. Worry is like the opposite of trust.

Nearing the end -- Entry 22

We are nearing the end of Erwin McManus' book, Soul Cravings. This is good timing, as I'll kick into lots of blogs about the Africa trip now.

This entry is the last of the Meaning chapter of the book. He tells a couple of stories here. One is an imaginary description of what it must've been like for the disciples after Jesus died. Thomas, in particular, must've had it hard. All of his friends insisted that they saw Jesus, risen from the dead. He said he wouldn't believe until he saw himself and placed his hands over the scars of Jesus. It's funny that his reaction coined a term that we all use today: Doubting Thomas. Jesus was only too willing to have Thomas verify what had happened. He told Thomas (apparently, before Thomas could even ask) to place his hands in His side and on the palms of His hands.

He tells another story about a gift that he had given his daughter, who was exploring her gifts and skills of music at the time. They went on a trip to Nashville together, where McManus was speaking. He didn't tell his daughter what the gift was, for it would be waiting for her when they got back home to California. But he gave her plenty of hints. In fact, there were signs all around them, as the event they were at had a Gibson Guitars booth nearby. And they saw Gibsons all over Nashville. He pointed out that perhaps God was like this -- offering hints of what He has for us all around us. If we just open our eyes, we'll see them.

He then affirms, once again, that as humans,
"We are all searching for truth.
We are all looking for God.
We crave meaning.
We long to trust.
We need to berlieve in something.
We need to believe in someone.
We need to believe in God..."

I've been reading a new book, called All The Clever Words On Pages, by Paul Harrison. He mentions in his journey about reading Don Miller and Erwin McManus. It was fun to come across that. It's a real compelling read. It's got the ocassional typo, which always jumps off the page for an editor type, and parts of it are frustrating. He's refreshingly honest, but I feel sorry for the guy and some of the mishaps, trouble, and freak-of-nature encounters he keeps having. Turns out the book "resolves" in a way that's sad from my perspective. In the short-run, this is very sad; but in the long-run, possibly just another transparent snapshot of a time and place in the middle of a long journey (that hopefully ends up back at the "clinging-to-trusting-in-relying-on" faith in Christ).

U23D Movie Review

Wow.
Ohmigosh, what a great experience. This high def 3-D movie (I saw it with a bunch of friends / U2 fans at an IMAX Theater) is quite spectacular and fun. After a brief announcement from the projection guy upstairs in the back, where he mentioned things like, "At the request of the band, the soundtrack will be played back at near concert volume" (We all liked hearing that), then we got our first glimpse of the 3-dimensional perspective, as the cameras focused on the empty stage.

This was another stage of the Vertigo Tour than fans in the US had heard, so the concert apparently started with the title track, instead of "City Of Blinding Lights." It was an ironic twist, of course, hearing Bono count off the intro in South America. At times it looked like Adam Clayton's bass guitar headstock might smack you in the face. It was if you could reach out from your seats and touch the players. That was the brilliant visual; but what blew me out of the water the most was the incredible audio mix. You felt like you were part of the audience, as the crowd noise mostly came from behind you. It never once smothered the music, which spanned 1983's War album all the way to the present. Early on in the set they played "New Year's Day" and it was as if they opened up that song and let it breathe. The vocals sounded so great and expansive. Like seasoned professionals, they segued from song to song. They threw out so many hits that I started to worry about it ending before I was "ready."

"Bullet The Blue Sky" and "Sunday Bloody Sunday" and "Miss Sarejevo" all made powerful statements without much between-song banter. The intro to "Pride (In The Name Of Love)" used portions of that Human Rights Manifesto. "Where The Streets Have No Name" sounded full and did justice to easily one of the best anthems ever. During "One" I got to see the coolest Les Paul I think I've ever seen. It was fun picking up things, like seeing a tall drink and a box of kleenex next to Larry Mullen's drums. And one scene featured a knock you out sonic boom with a close-up camera shot of him hitting a floor tom pretty hard.

It was like watching and listening to the future.

Driving Blind Full Speed Ahead

"Back to McManus!" I say. It's been awhile, but I finally sorta finished deadline. There is the matter of that one client who hasn't turned in their ad yet and there's that other ad I'm designing for another client ... but other than those two pages, all the rest have been turned into the printer and also proofed. Normally I turn in all my files to the printer and they have each page posted on a special site that I can approve/reject the "soft proofs" in my web browswer... Normally I turn 'em all in by noon on Monday and I'm looking at their proofs on Thursday of that week. This time I had the files posted late on Tuesday night and by Wednesday morning I was seeing the proofs. Very nice. I have to give a special shout out to David Stagg, who helped me get past a "stump" that I was facing with the front cover layout. I was cutting out a guy's hand so that it could be placed on top of the HM logo (kinda like what you see a lot with Sports Illustrated covers, for example). I was using some techniques that I was really just learning after all these years -- making a "clipping path" in PhotoShop and importing that into InDesign, then using some drop shadow and feathering effects to make the transition nice and soft. It all looked great, but when I wrote the file to Postscript and then "ripped" that to PDF, some weird "ghosting" or "artifacts" of layers underneath the arm were showing up on top. Little tiny white outlines of the letters "M" and "A" (from the subtitle "The Hard Music Magazine" under the logo). I got hung up on trying to solve this almost all day on Friday last week. That should've been the day that I finished, but instead I spent close to 8 hours on it to no avail. I had to set it aside to focus on the things that I could accomplish, knowing I'd get back to it later. Anyway, David jumped on it on Tuesday, I think, and helped me deduce that it was indeed not how I was laying it out, but it had to be in the postscripting and ripping stage; because the same thing happened to the cover he did. My printer then helped me out (thanks, Keith) by giving me a file that I loaded into my InDesign program that became a PDF preset, allowing me to export for printing another way. It appears to have worked.

I felt ten pounds lighter when I went home yesterday. Lord willing, these last two ads will be easy and I will wrap everything up today. That should be about as easy as the Dallas Cowboys beating the New York Giants for the third time this season. What?

Again: Back to McManus.
The author describes a road trip in India that was really dangerous, because this vehicle only had one headlight and they made part of their journey at night. This was partly scary, but other cars on that road at night had no headlights.

Yikes! That makes me want to stay prayerful during my upcoming trip to Uganda. I hadn't thought much about it, but simple things like driving safely from one place to another are things that are easy to take for granted. If the driver of our vehicle is safe, that's one thing; but what about the guy in the oncoming lane?

McManus concluded with something like: "...sometimes, you just have to trust the driver."

This is another spiritual truth that reminds me of a conversation I had with an ex-glam metal guitar player from Hollywood. He's got short hair now and is probably a tad rusty on his six-string these days, but he's my pastor and he's a cool guy. Anyway, he was the one who gave me this book by McManus -- Soul Cravings. And we were talking about it a Sunday or two ago. He mentioned that McManus started writing this book to show readers how to relate to culture and tell them the Gospel without using religious language, etc. Once he got started, though, he just decided to do it. Instead of explaining it, he just wrote it. That really makes sense to me now. Being 95% of the way through the book, it makes sense that the author has explained biblical truths with stories and non-religious explanations that key in on the principles of how God created us uniquely and with longings that are resolved in Him and by relating to Him.

I think he's done a good job.

Excuse me while I eat this fly

I finished the Hard News section and only have ads, the cover, and the Pick of the Litter section to lay out.

Meanwhile, here's some links that are fun:

ROLAIDS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdasYXcmuJk

headbirding
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgbwLWwPZvM

Michael Winslow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0PuIsK2ySk

They taped over your mouth...

...scribbled out the truth with their lies
your little spies..."

(Paramore lyrics, from "Crushcrushcrush")

Is Paramore a great band, or what?
I love their songs!

A Prophecy

Doug,
That is your name, right?
Doug, God is going to pour out His blessings upon you. I see something that everyone is reading... Are you a publisher? Yes! People are reading your magazine around the world and they're falling on their knees and worshiping God. He wants you to know that He sees your hard work and He's about to open floodgates that no one else can shut. He's is going to increase your circulation tenfold. He says, "Because of your faithfulness... blah, blah blah, I am going to multiply your finances. I will open new doors and this magazine..."
What is it called?
I see two letters...
Is it called HM?
Yes! It's His magazine and He is going to bless it beyond what you can even imagine.

There is a meeting in Austin tonight with a ministry that is called "prophetic ministry." I read a daily email from this ministry. I don't know how I got signed up to start receiving it and I realize that not each or perhaps not any will apply directly to me, I check it out anyway. Ocassionally they come to the Austin area for a meeting. I've been wanting to go for awhile now, for reasons I'll share later, but for some reason or another the timing is always bad. I thought this meeting would be perfect, because it was the day after my March/April deadline was to be over. Because I am behind in my deadline right now, I can't see myself taking the time to attend. These meetings usually involve (I think) someone coming, getting introduced, maybe some worship music, and then a message is shared. We're probably talking a good one hour with just that -- perhaps 90 minutes. Then the night's "prophetic ministry" will take place, where people will either line up to receive prophetic utterances, or the ministers will walk around, asking people to stand up while they prophesy over them.

I consider myself a charismatic -- in that I believe that God still does miracles today and the spiritual gifts (healing, prophecy, speaking in tongues, interpretation of tongues, discernment of spirits, etc) can still happen today and that the power of God is available to His people. Yet, I have not ever received a public prophecy in this way. I've never been "slain in the Spirit," either. And, to be honest, I'm jones'n' to experience those things. Since I can't get my personal prophecy tonight, I figured I'd just make one up. That's what that was in the italicized paragraph above. That's what I wanted to hear tonight. I know that there are ministries that travel around and share God's Word and what they feel God has been speaking to their heart; and they depend on offerings to keep doing this sort of thing. But I wasn't going in expectation of supporting their ministry. I was going to get my little prophetic word and then come back home. How consumeristic of an attitude is that? How bad of an attitude is that? Well, since I don't really have the proper mindset for this thing; I figured I'd just be honest and share / make up what I'd want to hear at such a thing. If I had gone and, say, sat there and never got called upon or didn't get "a word," I'd be disappointed.

I would have enjoyed hearing the "blah blah blah" part, too; where someone spoke flattery to me in front of a room full of people I didn't know, and possibly with some I did know. I like to have my ego caressed, and I guess in some ways I look at God like a giant gumball machine in the sky, putting my token prayers in and hoping to get a nice treat. How lame is that?

Africa, cats, As I Lay Dying, Deadline [Uganda.8]

I've never been around cats that all wanted my affection at once. Usually I've seen cats patiently wait their turn to get petted, but Surely, Goodness and Mercy all have not problem with demanding to be petted now and simulataneously. They enjoy my hand brushing against their fur as I pet the one next to him/her. It's funny.

Compassion has put up a page, which they will update with photos, etc, soon. I'll post the links now. I haven't updated a lot with this yet, because I am in the last days of deadline and also finishing up the Soul Cravings blogs.

This one should be focused on this "blogger's trip" and a fun one to bookmark:
compassion.com/share/uganda-blog

I'm not sure what this one is yet:
compassion.com/share/free-scrap-book

I did something I can't remember ever doing before last night -- on the Tuesday of the last week of deadline (which, as most weeks do, ends on Friday) I went to a concert to review for the issue I'm working on. An amazing show with As I Lay Dying, August Burns Red, Evergreen Terrace, and Still Remains. Very cool show. Fantastic, actually. I will be writing about it for this issue in a matter of minutes, Lord willing. I took over 300 photos. I hope I got at least 5 good ones.
:?)

I looked at the white marker board in the "lobby" area of our office (a giant living room of a 5-bedroom house), which says "Deadline 5: DVP 2." I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to change the score to "Deadline 5: DVP 3" at the end of this week, but boy have I got a lot of work to do between now and then! I've gotta place all the album reviews, edit the Hard News "bullets," write the Hard News "NP" stories (In our complicated system, that stands for "News Piece"), write the "Pick of the Litter," the Editor's Note, two book reviews, a DVD boxset review, a bunch of gadgets, and the back page. Yikes!

Lord, give me help! Please!

It's Not Supposed to Make You Sick

Wow, McManus sort of goes off on religion in Entry #20. He describes Jesus like a cold drink of water in a parched desert, but Christianity (can be) as sour milk. He relates a story about a trip to Syria where he and two others drank some Diet Coke. The fine print said it was bottled in Syria. They were poisoned and puked their guts out. The right name was on the label, but what was inside was fake. It was toxic. It was poison. The point he makes is that some religion is toxic. It can make you sick. Another point he brings up is that -- even amidst the sick feeling of frustration and anger over being duped by a fake Christianity -- something inside of you knows that there is something better, something real.

I can relate to the anger a non-believer feels when a tv preacher is exposed as a sex addict (like Jimmy Swaggart). Something inside of this non-believer's heart knows that there is something better, something real. The injustice of this scenerio points to a God-given sense of justice that each of us holds in our hearts or conscious. In fairness to Jimmy S, God is the lover of second (and third and three hundred and seventy fourth) chances. I hope that his heart has been broken by the grace of God and that he's walking in the natural response to that (humility, gratitude, and love). If so, that'll keep him free. This guy might have a tremendous one-on-one ministry now to people who get to see his brokenness over his sin.

A righteous man loves his beasts

I want to be a righteous man. I don't want to call myself one. The part I want to focus on from this Proverb is the part about loving animals. I love the three cats we have out here on the ranch. Now, I think the Proverb actually says "shows kindness to his beasts," so I'm operating with a loose paraphrase that equates "showing kindness" with "loving." Got that?





Here's a photo of them being fun around their cathouse. This here is a coyote-proof cathouse, complete with carpeted walls and a 60-watt lightbulb indoor heating.

Check this out: Yesterday I took my bicycle out to get some exercise. My dog, of course, runs along with me on such rides. I've got a cool path cut out of the grass and weeds, which the cattle, horses and jackass have made wider and clearer. So I'm heading out and the cats are following me. They're running behind me! The first big straightaway is probably close to a quarter mile, and they're running along, behind me. It's so funny to see them bounding along, just having fun, joining my ride. Too funny.

I hear that our trip to Africa is going to involve a safari. That should be a cool, fun adventure. That's totally cool and hospitable for Compassion International to offer us that. Maybe they'll let me jump the fence on a bicycle and ride around with those cats... Maybe not.

A Healthy Faith in Doubts

Here is a good exposition on the healthiness of asking questions. McManus brings up the point that this ingrained need to ask questions (even questions or doubts regarding the existence of God) were something God created in us -- a normal human trait. We should not feel guilty for asking God questions. He can surely handle it.

It might be funny (and slightly irreverent) to imagine Moses' first encounter with God including a discussion about "Are you really real?" God's first response (after a slightly perturbed pause, collecting His thoughts and remaining calm by choice) to be something like, "What? Isn't the non-consuming burning bush enough of a sign? Hello!"

McManus tells another story of he and his son -- this one occuring when the lad was 15 (though now I'm not sure I can trust the age details with this guy, hehe). His son blurted out on a road trip: "I don't think I'd be a Christian if I hadn't been raised in a Christian family." He reason was that he had so many doubts and questions. This was a relief to his dad, who worried that it might've been the non-example he set that caused the notion. After a long pause after telling his son that he had doubts and questions, too, he asked Aaron, "So, what are you going to do?"

I love that. A direct question. Not allowing someone to get away with flirting unless it was very intentional (he could evade even a direct question, but it would leave no doubt as to his intention at that point). His answer was: "Well, I've met God, so what can I do?" I can relate to that, because like I mentioned not too many blog posts ago, my experience has taught me that God is real. I didn't see a burning bush, but my heart burned like it was on fire with passion. My soul almost jumped out of my body with joy, resonating with a sense of "YES! I have found the lover of my soul! I've met my maker!" It was entirely subjective (and thus open to intense scrutiny by a skeptic), but it was so overwhelmingly convincing that I doubt I will ever let it go or pass as simple delusion.

McManus ends his entry with a brief discussion about the appropriateness of the Name Jesus gave to God -- Father.

a random post-Christmas thought

I don't know why, but I got a kick out of the fact that my family (wife, children, and parents) sat around the tv and watched about 4 episodes from a DVD of Season One of the dark classic morbid comedy The Addams Family. Somehow, somewhere, I know I scored some scene points by that!

A Defeated Football Fan's Prayer

Father,
Thank You for allowing me to watch my team lose yesterday.
As much as I wanted to see them win, those last 4 minutes of the game were thrilling.
Thank You for that. Being able to watch my favorite team with the playoffs on the line, knowing that whatever happened in the next few minutes would determine whether they advanced in the playoffs or not -- that's exciting stuff. Not every fan gets to see their team in the playoffs with all "this" on the line. It's a real privilege and I can appreciate the sense of all the hard work those players and coaches put into getting that far. I'm grateful for the good season they had. I'm sad to see it end now, but knowing they had a chance and being able to watch it unfold, with all the possibilities of victory right there... It was thrilling. I'm so glad they play games like this and don't just determine a winner at the end by looking at statistics and measuring weight, height, and sprint times. They actually go out and compete. The thrill of it all is fun. I did have some fun. Thank You for that.

I wonder what You think when people pray to You during the game. Do You laugh? Do You chuckle? I imagine You take pleasure in watching humans compete with each other in a game. I took pleasure in the game and, again, I want to say "thanks" for that. I'm sorry if I mope around a little bit for a while now as I'm reminded of the disappointment. I'll try to remember this attitude of gratitude when this happens.
I love You.
Amen.

Truth is about trust.

McManus makes that point again with a story about his little two year old son, who loved to crawl, and who put off walking.** This wasn't a problem, except for the stairs. He knew how to crawl up, but not down; so his parents would have to "rescue" him several times a day. Finally, daddy Erwin caught the lad in the act halfway up the stairs. In a stern voice, he commanded the son to come down. The son contemplated the situation and said, "Daddy, carry me." Each of three times the dad refused in a battle of wills. Finally, the boy just jumped. He knew his dad would catch him. It is a great story about trust. He didn't know a lot about his dad (not his name or other such data), but he trusted him.

The first ending of the story had the dad stepping back, allowing his son to crash into the wall behind him; but he cried "psych!" and revealed he was just kidding. (He didn't really use the word "psych!") **But the details about his son being two sound a little weird. I bet that detail is purposefully inaccurate. Surely these parents would not wait a full year past the normal age (one year) of learning to walk. Even on his or her own, a child would normally learn to walk on their own by that time. Instead of passing judgment on their parenting skills, I'll pass judgment on the writer's editing skills and presume he just fudged a little bit.

"They say" that the longer a chld crawls the better he or she will be at cognitive skills, like reading and math and whatnot. I don't really know who "they" are, but it makes you feel good as a parent if your child hasn't taken those first steps by birthday #1 (which is really birthday #2 if you consider the day they were birthed as #1... Maybe McManus is using "biblical math," like Sunday being the third day for the resurrection, as Friday and Saturday count as #1 and #2, respectively).

iGnoring

iGnoring
iGnoring [igg-knor-ing]: it's that state of blissful indifference a person with headphones on, listening to their iPod, conveys when someone around them is trying to talk to them or get their attention.

Caedmon's Call on Grey's Anatomy

I just heard Derek Webb's voice (I think it's a Caedmon's Call song) on the climactic moment of Grey's Anatomy.

I had my ears invaded by some ear buds with a Lost Season Three episode playing; and I hear my wife saying, "Doug!" I try to get my bearings, realize I need to hit the pause button, almost miss on the first attempt, pause the episode with Charlie diving under the water to save the people, and look up, "What?" She tells me, "Derek Webb!" and points to the tv. Besides being synced to an emotional climactic moment, it's prominently placed.

I start to tear up a little.

What!?! Why did I do that? I'm such a wuss!
hahaha
I kinda prayed and thanked God for this moment. Intellectually, I'm slightly conflicted by "getting emotional" over something so trivial. But I know the excitement of wanting to share good Christian music with others. I know the struggles this fledgling "industry" has had in getting to this point. It's a nice moment. I'm so glad for the artists, the label, the show, and the viewers.

It's funny how the visual has made music so powerful...or really it's amplified the power that's already there. The bubbling emotions waiting to burst out get a helping hand on another level -- a visual dimension -- that furthers the "life" in the song. This must be why MTV kinda changed the world back in 1981.

I remember getting so excited in 1980 (whoops! did I just reveal my age?!) when my brother-in-law would tell us that "Video Jukebox" was on HBO. We'd watch videos by The Pretenders and I don't remember who else. We were riveted. No one (except us music fanatacs) ever does that with audio alone. When was the last time you stopped a friend, handed him/her a pair of headphones and said, "Listen to this!" And you stopped and gave yourself to the song...? That's another thing videos did for us.

Wow. I'm moved.

You've Gotta Know Who To Trust

In this entry McManus talks about trust and people's fears about commitment. Whether it's commitment to marriage, committing to a church, seekers afraid to commit to God, students committing to a career, we all have doubts.

I think of how important it is to be credible. Whether we preach or not, our lives and actions and relationships will form what another person can or cannot trust. Another person might look at you and conclude, "I like/respect/trust that person. I could see myself being like him/her." By becoming trustworthy, we are sometimes silently (sometimes not so silently) showing another person that it is possible to be a Christian. We are like a living example that shows what it's like to live a life of trust. We trust in God and in His ability to change our hearts and transform our lives. In turn, we offer evidence for another person that they could make the same leap of faith and commitment to God. If we are unreal (in the negative sense), then we might unravel another person's argument or search for a reasonable role model. In a sense, we're all role models. Without being superhuman or other-worldly, we can show that you don't have to be a freak/zealot/geek/offensive jerk to become or be a Christian.

Boy, I hope I can be a good example. Not neccesarily a loud, flamboyant spokesperson, but a quiet, confident, and real (both weaknesses and strengths being somewhat evident), so that someone could get to know me without too much trouble and not be alienated to find a person that might be just like them -- not arrogant, fake, or keeping them on edge all the time, making them feel worse by being around me. In a nutshell, I want to be trustworthy. If someone can trust me, maybe they can trust the Person I trust in, the One Whom I deem to be Truth incarnate.

Truth Eventually Gets Personal

This entry was very entertaining, because McManus chronicled a conversation with a bigwig he had at a national conference for Wall Street investors in San Francisco that he was speaking at. He and this guy had a conversation about trust and our need to trust each other (for purposes of commerce and the intrinsic need to feel trustworthy in our relationships). I found it entertaining to see McManus do so well in articulating a concept about truth in conversation with a non-believer.

"Our search for truth, our need to trust, and our struggle to be trustworthy are all evidences of the human spirit."

I enjoy people watching and reading about this conversation around a banquet table was like vicariously watching (a redundant phrase, eh?) people interact. That's fun stuff.

Bloody Sunday Leads to Cheap Monday

Erwin McManus had a dialogue with Dallas Willard, a professor of philosophy at the University of Southern California, who said that "followers of Jesus Christ were required to pursue truth wherever it leads them." This drove McManus to the astonishing conclusion that: "to be true to the way of Jesus, you cannot follow with blind allegiance." He says, "You can never justify any belief or action where you consciously deny what is true, even if called to do so in the name of God. The name and reputation of Jesus have absolutely been dragged through the gutter by the actions of those who have hijacked the Christian faith."

He brings up a new tightly-fitting jeans company from Sweden that features an upside-down cross in its logo as a way to encourage people to question Christianity, which they call "a force of evil" that he blames for sparking wars throughout history. I like what he brings up next: "And while being a follower of Christ requires a life of faith, it also requires a love for truth. To represent Jesus well, we cannot live thoughtless lives."

I also appreciate what he brings up still later: "The enlightenment changed what it means to believe. To believe can mean nothing more than to agree with the data. When Jesus spoke of believing, he meant something very different. To believe is to wrap your soul around something. To believe in God has to do with trusting. What you believe in is what you trust in and, more important, who you trust."

Going to Africa [Uganda.5]

Okay, so I was invited by Compassion International to join a team of bloggers to visit Uganda and see what they're doing (and blogging about it while it happens). Originally, it was planned to be a trip to Kenya. That name was like honey on my lips, as I know there are lions there. I've been dreaming of visiting that country and this seemed like a once-in-a-million chance to see them in the wild. As the plans moved ahead, I found out that the trip would instead be in Uganda, as one of the needs of the trip (consistent high-speed internet for the blogging part). I was slightly disappointed, but it was like being disappointed in the letdown from someone flying you to the Super Bowl and you being told that your seats might be ten rows up on the 50 yard line and they turn out to be 12 rows up on the 40 yard line. You're so stoked to be going to that game that you're almost speechless with joy. That's the simple joy part of the journey.

There's another part of the journey: and this one's called the stretching part. A friend of mine (this really cool guy named Dave Canfield, who ... if I lived in a community of 300+ people in the inner city of Chicago, would make the close living quarters and all the challenges that go with that kind of thing be much more bearable and fun) told me a long time ago that I should take a missions trip to a place like Brazil or something to write about it and share the experience and what I find with others. Travelling in general stretches you, but giong into another culture that's vastly different than yours really does the mind-expansion. Going to a place that's inside the "10-40 window" (between the 10th and 40th parallels, I believe is how this area got its name) is likely to really change your life. This area of the world is both densely populated with some of the most suffering in this world and is also proportionately made up of the highest concentration of "unreached" people in the world.

You can read about third world countries and get some minute level of appreciation to what they're dealing with in those areas, but actually going there and interacting with the people there brings it home in a rock solid way. I'm told that Bono and his wife have gone on a "short-term" missions trip about every year for several years in a row. This experience has no doubt altered his life and his perception of the world. The stuff he's said about Africa are simple and incredibly intense. The famous singer has left the "comfort" of his rock and roll peers and addressed a "church" that is widely misunderstood by those on the outside. He has appealed to our sense of duty to "love our neighbor" and he's pointed out that now -- more than ever -- nowhere in the world can really not be our neighbor. Technology has allowed us to travel and communicate in ways that have made our planet a community -- a neighborhood.

We can't ignore suffering when we see it. We can try to stay away from exposing ourselves to it, but it's kind of silly to do that. I'm not sure if we are deluded when we try to ignore suffering, thinking that it'll "protect" our emotions. We forget to realize that God has created us to have this thing called compassion. And when we become crushed by the weight of what we see, we have the invitation to come to the Lord and pour our hearts out to Him. We can even tell Him that we're angry and that "He ought to do something about this..." Somehow, He's given us a capacity deal with unimaginable things. It's not pleasant to stare stuff like suffering in the face, but it's real and we can surely trust that God will expand us in ways we can't imagine.

These are some of the expectations I have going into this trip. Things have since "sped up" in the preparations, as I dug my Passport out to make sure it's still valid, and we've filled out forms for the trip. My wife and I decided a long time ago that travelling would be okay for one or the other of us, but if one was to go on a "life changing trip," that both of us would go. I got permission to bring her along. We've since found care for our children while we're gone, and I even (finally) got the ball rolling on immunizations.

They're called "shots" and they're not fun. They're expensive, too. I can't believe all the money we spent today on those things. It didn't hurt too much, though, and the arms and shoulders are only a little bit sore. "You need to do the 'chicken dance,' the nurse told us, to keep our arms from aching too much. This allows the medicine to work its way through our bodies easier I guess. It has something to do with the "viscocity" of the liquid that's injected into our arms. That's weird.

It was easy to get a little fearful when being told of all the risks of travelling to Uganda this year. "You've heard about what's going on over there, haven't you?" I don't recall having heard much, but just to make sure, I responded back with a complete, "No, I haven't," answer, so I wouldn't miss out on some information by mistake and assumption.

I have to admit, there is a lot to worry about when going to remote places like that. I can see why mothers and grandmothers might worry and pray often about loved ones that commit to long-term missions in areas like that. It's amazing to see people give up the comfort of their familiar surroundings (and sometimes cushy jobs) to pour themselves out for others. It's really cool how Jesus made a really amazing metaphor for helping others, telling us that we were actually serving Him when we served others -- "the least of these."

Getting beyond ourselves and past our own egos and selfish desires is one of the greatest benefits from Christianity -- even if you look at it from totally a "secular" or "atheistic" viewpoint. Anything that trains people to see others as more important than themselves is truly an honorable and inspiring thing. Other religions and philosophies tap into this truth as well; but it's certainly a pretty main focal point of what Jesus taught His followers to do.

I am so honored to be invited on this trip; I'm excited for the incredible adventure; and I'm a little fearful of the risks of danger and disease. However, no matter what the risk or danger, I know that God is good and, like McManus has been hinting at in a pretty major way, I think we can trust Him. His Word kind of goes out of its way to instruct us "not to worry." If you think about it, worry is like the opposite of trust. Worry is also a weird nuerological experience that can produce physical output from internal causes. If that's true, then the peace of God can probably produce outward results as well (and they're probably good ones).

Well, this was a rant. I figured I'd go off a little bit about the shots, danger and stuff. I'll share much more about all of this (including some of the waivers I'll have to sign prior to this trip). For now, I need to get back to this deadline thing.

The Truth Is, It's About Trust

[Really, it's about Lee Haley and the Cosmonauts]
In this entry, the author talks about how our human condition is not really getting better. Science is proving to be another in the long list of false hopes. I remember someone saying how the Kennedy assasination was like a sign that we couldn't trust in government. All the progress that technology was supposed to bring us hasn't elevated our race to truly be better.

I think about the liberal politics of Austin. Causes are popular and treating others as more important than ourselves is being championed. I think you might see more kindness in this city now than you did a decade ago. I am excited about that. I imagine working alongside a liberal-thinking and atheistic do-gooder (forgive me for fusing the concepts into one) that shows offense into my faith, that somehow comes up. "Forget that I may or may not believe that my belief is the only Truth for a moment and just appreciate the good I'm doing. If you're attracted to the other-thinking outward-focused philosophies of Jesus, then appreciate them for what they are. Leave me and any perceived differences alone for a moment and let us work together in making this a better place." Then, perhaps the claims of Jesus to be exclusive in the divine plan for mankind's redemption will come up in an open dialog. Until then, I don't have to shove everything I believe into every conversation I have with someone of a different faith.

Perhaps the old "they might die in a car accident and face eternal judgment in a few hours and you could be their only hope to get saved" pop philosophy from one too many Gospel tracts has a downside. Maybe it's short-sighted and takes our focus on being a light.

I admit that, if I were to witness someone doing extraordinary things, helping people out of real problems with real, practical answers, I might be willing to listen to that person explain what motivates them to do these things. It certainly makes sense that believing should coax us to action. That our salvation conversion did not immediately transport us into Heaven for a reason. There must be some purpose for us being here.

"...I had moved from searching for a system of beliefs to searching for someone I could believe in. Somehow I had moved from truth to trust. This is at the core of our search for meaning."

Aha!

i-Mcmanus

Whoa! This is a doozy.

McManus brings up the question of evil and its existence in this latest entry. People ask, "If there is a God, why is there evil in the world? How could a loving God allow so much suffering?" It's almost convenient to blame God. So, if we eliminate God out of the equation, who is to blame for the millions dying of AIDS in Africa? Who is to blame for the homeless children living in dumps in South America? Who's to blame for the millions buried in the killing fields of Cambodia?

McManus points out that most of us want God to fix every wrong choice that we make without taking from us our right to choose wrongly. Like "our own personal pooper-scooper following right behind us, cleaning up our mess."

The author brings up another option to consider: That God loves us, is troubled by the human condition, and makes it possible to change our hearts. He gives us hearts of compassion and love. He later brings up the example of Saul of Tarsus, who was a murdering religious zealot that was the nightmare of many Christians. Later he became a great apostle.

Again, the latest album by David Crowder Band, Remedy, comes to mind. "The whole world's about to change ... Be the remedy." I love that album.

iJealous

iJealous
iJealous [eye-gel-us]: it's that feeling of jealousy when reading someone's email and the tag at the bottom saying, "Sent from my iPhone." Or that feeling of envy when someone is at a show and they take a photo and you see the large screen of their hand held object make a shutter closing and opening as the photo takes. You want one, but can't have it. iJealous. Another variation: iJealousy.

It's All In How You Look at It

The author talks about SSP in this entry -- Selective Sensory Perception. I think I suffer from this quite a bit. In fact, I think that many a husband, father, or just "guy" in general has this same weakness. We filter out things that we deem irrelevant. Like the person who describes another car in an accident "coming out of nowhere," we are blind or ignore signals that showed what was perhaps coming. I do this a lot and consequently miss a lot.

There Is superstition

McManus talks about some interesting stuff, like symbols and how we've used various shapes and sounds to communicate (from simple letters to taps on a wire). Disney Tokyo opened, but not before someone came in to look at the shapes and spaces to decipher into the Japanese culture what they might mean or communicate. All these things around us -- even smell and touch -- have meaning.

I had a friend come up to me and comment about the new HM military style hats we have. Our church bookstore sells them and one guy told me about his daughter asking him if the screen print on the hat was a skull, a Christian skull, or a pirate. I was overly sensitive to being misunderstood and the symbol of a skull being innocuous and even a symbol of worship yet being thought of as only "evil" or "death." Because I was so sensitive to an imaginary (but only too real) argument from a narrow viewpoint that I missed an opportunity for a good laugh between this guy and I. What could have been a lighthearted moment was instead awkward.

It's funny how the things I learn or hear become phrases or concepts that I wish to communicate to others. It's like I want those around me to hear and understand what I believe.

I wonder what point the author is leading up to with this discussion.

ENTRY #10: If It's Pitch Black, Does It Matter If You're Blind?

I admit it: I wish I was finished with this book. I want to sit down and finish it, rather than take each entry one day (or even longer) at a time. As Dana Carvey would say, though, "Not gonna do it."

In this entry, the author retells of a conversation with a secular humanist. His guest told him that church and God weren't his things. When he asked him what was, he described himself a secular humanist. His next question was a surprise:

"You must have really been hurt at some time in your life?"

The guest's answer was: "Maybe."

Wow. I can imagine that just as we accuse some people of running to religion to escape pain and hurt; that some people run from religion for the same reasons. I'll never forget the pain I brought to my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Tesdall and my grandmother (Grandma Daisy) for trying to evangelize those around me. It was perhaps this pain that drove me from the Lord in my own life. For nine years shortly after that I was a practicing atheist, I guess. I was a forgetful/put-it-out-of-my-mind believer. Somehow I disconnected from the core of what I believed. I wanted to live how I wanted, so I did. Conflict between the two factions rarely occured in my front-and-center consciousness.

I have a friend who has gone public with his current philosophy of not believing in God. Because he's a friend, I don't want to put him on trial here. Heck, he might even read this blog on ocassion and it wouldn't be fun to cut him down in public. I wonder if pain from his experience in Christianity is at the core of what drove him away.

I was a casual friend of Roger Martinez. We sat down and broke bread (ate a meal together, not necessarily shared communion) more than once and I visited his home. We weren't buddies, but I liked him and we shared with each other some things that were private or "not for print."

One of his secrets, that I don't think he'd mind if I shared now was: "We (Vengeance Rising) want to be the Pink Floyd of the thrash metal world." They used to use live actors on stage during their local Hollywood concerts, with an actor on a cross, etc. They were working, perhaps, on how to make that visual stuff part of their touring live show, which never happened.

Anyway, this guy has publically proclaimed his dis-allegiance to the church and Christianity. He seemingly believes that all Christians are deluded into believing that there is a God. While he was certainly a fan of the intellect, and he was certainly impressive to all us "normal Joe's" with his ability to speak persuasively about the Christ and faith and encouraging us to know the Word (I remember he challened me with a statement about how, if we read about 10 chapters a day, we could go through the Bible about three times in a year). Some people I know who know him have said, "If you argue with him, you're not going to score any points by appealing to the emotions or feelings" or the sentimental side of our relationship with God. I can imagine him laughing at the notion of "God tugging at his heart," but I don't particularly think it's funny when I think about some of the pain that must've driven him from the faith. Some private things happened to him that are intensely painful. That would be enough on its own. The dissolution of a band, his record label; and, according to his own word to me, his research and searching on the subject of divine healing (and his lack of evidence to prove its modern day existence) are what drove him away.

Happy New Year | McManus' Other Point

The author makes some good apologetic argument for the existence of God in ENTRY #9: I Don't Know How I Know What I Know, where he talks about the shallowness and weakness of the materialist viewpoint of reality. He brings up how we haven't seen Venus, the moon landing up-close or even the corpse of Elvis Presley. And some people actually have issues with the reality of those things, but he talks about how other things we can't see are commonly trusted in -- like love, hatred, jealousy, bitterness, anger, etc.

Then he delves into a short discussion on the weakness of trusting in our emotions. I thought about my own arguments from Friday's blog. I talked about how God had sort of "proven Himself" to me, like He had passed a series of reality tests that I had given Him. That's kind of funny and presumptious of me, but I won't get into that. I thought about how I have trusted in my emotions throughout my life. Some of the conclusions I have drawn about God are probably steeped in emotion and experience. The tingling sensations I've had while in "the presence of God" are certainly subjective. Perhaps they could be explained away? Would that weaken my faith? I hope that I have more logical foundations for my faith than just my experience. I really do. However, my "fear" or distrust of emotions and experience are not strong enough for me to choose to react against that and so nueter my life for the future to not allow myself to feel and experience emotional things. I really enjoy emotions and this side of life. Kept in its proper perspective and allowing myself to bask in emotions from time to time seems to me to be healthy. Going from one extreme to the other doesn't sound smart to me. A life void of emotions and relying strictly on logical and so-called "objective" testing sounds like a bummer of a life. Swinging the other direction (and from the charismatic chandeliers, so to speak) is surely a recipe for disaster at worse and error at best.

McManus pulls some fun stuff out at the end of this entry, where he talks about breathing. We would probably act a little bit different about these breaths if we knew they were the last two or three we would ever take. True that.