Doug Van Pelt

The Love Dare.02

Everyone must sing the title as if it's the theme from the television hit series, The Love Boat. This chapter could very well have drawn from one of the chief attributes of the crew on the Love Boat -- kindness. In a situation like that, kindness is the method that you serve your customers. Maybe I can glean some of the attitudes and actions of a servant by looking at the jobs of some of those people in service. They are to act kindly, serving quickly with a smile and, while most people get a thank you after doing something for another, it's often best done without the expectation of gratitude from the person you're serving.

Now, let's get back to the book's parallels, instead of my own cock-eyed attempts.

They break down kindness into four ingredients:

Gentleness.
Even when confronting, you go out of your way to make sure your words are heard as easily as possible. Because I'm one of those "rather avoid conflict than face it" kind of guys, I am very sensitive to how I present things when they are confrontational. I know I try to put a lot of energy into this category. I hope I'm successful.

Helpfulness.
Meeting the needs of the moment. "If it's housework, you get busy." This one can be tough for me. Sometimes I act as though I'm still a teenager that wakes up at noon on Saturdays and acts lazy all day. I like one of the statements made here: "Kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met -- even if his are put on hold." I don't like it because it makes me feel good, though. It kinda makes me squirm uncomfortably, because I don't think I measure up to this one very well. I like it, because it sounds true.

Willingness.
Here's a good one: "Rather than complaining and making excuses, you look for reasons to compromise and accomodate." Wow, looking for reasons to compromise. That says a lot. One of the things this chapter deals with prior to this list of four ingredients is how yesterday's instruction to be patient is kind of preventative; while today's instruction for kindness is kind of pro-active. It's positive, rather than responding to negativity with patience.

Initiative.
"Kindness thinks ahead, then takes the first step. It doesn't sit around waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. ...When acting from kindness, you see the need, then make your move. First."

Today's dare is:
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today,
do at least one unexpected gesture
as an act of kindness.

In the movie, I believe this was Kirk Cameron's gesture of pouring his wife a cup of coffee that morning ... which she rejected. That guy had it rough.

Yesterday's dare wasn't too hard in terms of my spouse and I, but it was TERRIBLE in dealing with patience in general. While those around me were singing in church about "raising holy hands" and singing, "Hallelujah, Jesus," I was thinking, 'Why? If only I had placed those magazines somewhere else! If only someone hadn't placed that water bottle in the back seat! Ruined! Ruined, I tell you! Those magazines are ruined!' I bring 10 copies of the latest issue to church, which sells HM in their bookstore (How cool is that?); plus I brought 3 other copies to give to the "models" that posed in the church parking lot with their skateboards a couple months ago. As I approached the bookstore counter, I began to count out the 10 copies they got and I noticed that they were wet. Water was all over the upper right-hand corner of most of the copies. I did my best to let it go and put it into perspective, but I was still pretty mad about those mags getting wet. Sigh. Part of me was laughing at myself for dealing with something like this at a time when I was "working on patience."

Posted by Doug Van Pelt at February 16, 2009 10:10 AM