Doug Van Pelt

The Love Dare.01

This new book of dares has started out perfectly for me -- in failture. Ha Ha.
I endeavored to start this thing on Valentine's Day, because it was such a perfect date to begin this book. It wasn't much of a romantic day for my wife and I, but at least I was able to paint some Valentine's Day paintings on some 8x10 canvasses I had recently bought. Hopefully, they'll be a nice reminder for many days and even years to come. But, other than that, there were no cards exchanged, not even candy -- I left the office early on Friday and left all the chocolates I had purchased for this occasion in advance inside the refrigerator. I guess I can give those out on Monday night. We didn't go out to eat, since my wife is still recovering from a week-long (plus) illness ... and I didn't even crack the book open. So, my Valentine's Day kickoff was a dismal failure. Perfect start.

I like what the forward says about this book. Beyond the warnings about taking this seriously and doing each of the dares presented with each day's chapter, and the release-from-condemnation statement about circumstances preventing a dare from being followed on a given day and just picking up as soon as you can later ... there was also a statement that made it in the movie:

The world tells us to follow our hearts, but
If you don't lead your heart, someone or something else will.

I think this is a great truth to point out. I learned this lesson on my own many years ago when I made a decision to verbally speak praise to the Lord at all times -- specifically those times when a nasty word would seem more appropriate, like banging my thumb against the inside metal of a car engine compartment when my hand slips off a wrench I'm tightening or attempting to loose a bolt with. The common acceptable reaction at that point is to say a cussword. I had heard lessons about "Praising the Lord at all times," which Scripture exhorts us to do. I'd seen my dad say, "Praise the Lord" when something went wrong. I remember walking up my street and past a driveway where a man was working. He didn't know I was there or within earshot, but he had a mishap on his car engine that resulted in a minor injury. He cussed immediately, but then he corrected himself and said, "Praise the Lord," or something to that effect.

I could almost hear a critical voice in my head when I decided to act this way. It said, "How can you attempt to praise the Lord when it's not in your heart to do so? In your heart, you want to say blankety-blank, so why not say it? At least don't be a hypocrite and utter some praise words just because it's the supposed 'right thing' to do. Worship needs to be honest, and be honest: you are not in a worshipping mood at that point." The problem I figured out with that reasoning was that my feelings did not have to dictate what I decide or do. I could train my heart to follow my lead and, before long, my heart was leaping with praise (or at least moving in that direction), because I was leading it with my choice, not letting my heart and head be led by circumstances.

So, I have a hearty "Amen" to stamp on that point in the forward.

Still, in beginning this book, I was scared. I was afraid of what that first dare might be. 'Do I have to do something dumb?' I wondered. The first chapter talks about patience. Being patient is a way to show love. It pointed out that being around impatient people is no fun at all. It kind of just spreads the anger and frustration when you do that. But someone that swallows their anger, who chooses to reject anger and instead respond with patience and love -- that person is learning to lead their heart. This is where spiritual disciplines show a real benefit. It makes me happy to know that I can do something that will transform me into a better person.

Being patient is another way to slap that self-centered person I am in the face. That selfish little baby needs to be spanked. I'm glad to try to learn to be more patient ... but I still was worried about what that first dare would be. Day 1 had a title page, with a verse on it from 1 Corinthians 13, followed by three short pages of encouragement, teaching, and wisdom. As I got to the end, I thought, 'Is that it? Did I get off the hook that easy?'

Nope. The next page had its own heading: Today's Dare
The first part of this dare is fairly simple.
Although love is communicated in a number of ways,
our words often reflect the condition of our heart.
For the next day,
resolve to demonstrate patience
and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.
If the temptation arises,
choose not to say anything.
It's better to hold your tongue
than to say something you'll regret.

It has a spot that says, "Check here when you've completed today's dare.
There's also some note space, to document observations about the dare.

Posted by Doug Van Pelt at February 15, 2009 10:08 AM