A nameless artist laid into me not too long ago for failing to carefully edit an online interview we did with him/her. Now, being lazy and not giving this uncut Q&A a better editing, I deserved to be criticized and I admit that. But the tone and the "...if I'd have known you were going to print it like this, I wouldn't have granted the interview" type attitude made me feel like, 'Man, now I know why you've had such a struggle with your career -- you let people around you that fail you receive your wrath with little to no editing yourself.' Now, in fairness, maybe this was an isolated case. But, if I'm right about a pattern of behavior, or even if not, it brings up a point I want to discuss. It's sad that some people don't control their tongues and use a bit more tact when they express themselves.
The good thing about the nature of some folks that suffer from this lack-of-tact disease (I like to call it "tone deafness") is that they either forget what they've done or they get over it quickly. It's emotionally draining to put up with a lack of impulse control around you, but recognizing it helps quite a bit, because one can compensate for it and not take it personally.
On my side of the offensive interaction, I could hold a grudge against said artist and, to be honest, it will be hard not to hold a few degrees of grudge (disguised as disrespect). Now that I've seen him/her act in an unbecoming way, it's hard not to expect that out of them again. Without opening myself up to actual physical harm or serious business mistakes (both of which are unlikely), wouldn't it be true forgiveness if I thought the best of this person? Rather than hold this against them, true love would forget it and move on. Wow! That'll be a hard one. With the Holy Spirit's help (by the way, isn't He the member of the trinity that talks to us and guides us here on earth?), perhaps I can remember this commitment to forgive and forget if/when the time comes up where I interact with this person again.
It's interesting, too, to note that part of me wants that person to apologize. It's like I'm saying, "Hey, I'll forgive you, but only if you first feel bad about what you did." That's kind of a self-righteous smugness that is just not right. It's certainly not a characteristic of true forgiveness. True forgiveness doesn't need the other person to act. Like my pastor said recently (and I blogged about it then, it takes two people to reconcile, but only one to forgive.
Posted by Doug Van Pelt at December 30, 2008 09:28 AM