January 22, 2007

Bill Parcells Retires; Cowboys Hire Doug Van Pelt As New Coach

I'm not sure which is bigger news: the fact that Hall of Fame Coach Bill Parcells retired; or that Jerry Jones hired a new coach with no previous coaching experience.

"I am in good health and feel lucky to have been able to coach in the NFL for an extended period of time," Parcells said in a statement. "I leave the game and the NFL with nothing but good feelings and gratitude to all the players, coaches and other people that have assisted me in that regard."

"What I lack in coaching experience," stated Van Pelt, "I more than make up for in working with the media. This most presitigious and visible team will be handled with skill, I assure you. And I guarantee that I will take this team to the Super Bowl next year."

While most reporters chuckled at the last comment, a quick checking of the facts and Van Pelt's base salary for the Cowboys (a 4-year, $6,000,000 deal) confirms that the new coach will have enough money to purchase airfare and tickets for the entire 53-man roster, unless, of course, they actually qualify for the championship game.

Posted by Doug Van Pelt at January 22, 2007 11:23 AM
Comments

Don't forget to buy your linemen dinner.

Actually, you could probably sell TO's contract for something... U2 tickets or something like that maybe?

Posted by: Nathan at January 22, 2007 12:26 PM

I'm originally from Indiana, now living in GA. I was watching the Colts in the early '90s. I'm definitely enjoying this! Go Colts!

Posted by: Chris at January 22, 2007 02:50 PM

Dude: It's not like a good team that matters. It's just the Cowboys. Get real. I'd rather pull out my eyelashes than sit through a Cowboy game.

Posted by: J Burns at January 22, 2007 03:06 PM

MAMA MIA!!!!

Posted by: mama at January 22, 2007 04:04 PM

Don't forget to go geocaching! Use up whatever magazines that you have too much of and toss it in the cache box! Happy hunting!

Posted by: Joel at January 23, 2007 12:02 AM

I don't think i care about the supa bowl this year.BUT the commirchalls, now thats worth watching.

Posted by: Tony C Anderson at January 23, 2007 11:11 AM