Doug Van Pelt

Murder

I remember a time long ago when I fired an employee. I had a very vivid dream not too many days after. I had killed this person in the dream and had secretly buried his body. In the dream I imagined and sensed/felt the emotions of fear and paranoia of not wanting to get caught. I remember the shame over the hypocrisy and lies of hugging his parents at his funeral and offering fake condolences and comfort. When I woke up my heart was racing. 'Surely I would be found out and put behind bars for the rest of my life.' Even though it was all my imagination, my emotions and senses seemed to accurately simulate the intensity of what that would be like. I always used that dream to have deeper empathy for the guy, knowing that losing that job must've hurt. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but it sure got my attention. The panicky feelings of evading detection and the police was overwhelming. I cannot imagine living with that kind of hidden secret. I imagine my conscious would haunt me until I confessed such a wrong or, like most people, just got caught.

Like almost everyone, I avoid the sin of murder like the plague. But I wonder if I avoid other sins, like hatred, gossip, or lying with the same sort of conviction. What if "getting away" with talking about someone behind their back also came with the kind of nagging conscious that accompanied my dream? I'd certainly think twice before committing such an act. Forget about murder, I'd like to carry the conviction that telling any lies was something to avoid at all costs. To someone who believes that there is a God, there is no "getting away" with any wrong. God sees and hears what we do. To try and conceal such a matter -- a dirty little secret -- is a futile game.

The good news is found in the first chapter of 1 John:

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His Word has no place in our lives."

Confessing to Him pardons us, grants us forgiveness, clears our conscious, frees us from guilt. The weight is lifted. That is freedom.

Of course, sin has its consequences. If I had lied to someone, it might be proper to confess to them as well, clear things up, heal the relationship. If I stole something, return it. I heard a crazy story of a former skateboard pro who many years ago was getting high with his wife and ... I can't remember all of the details, but she started choking or something and somehow he accidentaly choked her and killed her. In a panic, he buried her body in the desert. Some time later this guy confessed his sins to God, had his weight lifted, and was "born again" to new life. I think he brought this up to his pastor, who told him he should go to the authorities with this. He went to the police and told them about the death and showed where the body was buried. He was put in prison and served time (probably for manslaughter). Incidentily, I think he was just let out a couple of years ago. As intense as that story is, I have to respect the guy for standing up and taking responsibility for his actions. What a man.

That's some real heavy truth to swallow, live by and stand up to. In a roundabout link to my dream, the guy that told me this true confirmed-by-others story about the skater is the same guy that I later fired and dreamed of murdering. Someone call Dr. Sigmund Freud!

Posted by Doug Van Pelt at March 22, 2006 09:13 AM