February 20, 2004
Joke Etiquette
Yesterday I displayed what I call "bad joke etiquette." That is, I told a joke that a friend had told me to someone else, within 30 minutes of first hearing it and in the presence of the friend who told it. To help others keep from making the same mistake, I will post the Rules of Joke Etiquette here.
Rule 1: When you hear a good joke, whether it be a line from an Adam Sandler movie or whatever, you must not tell the joke in front of the person who told you (you might mess up the delivery and become "a joke" yourself).
Rule 2: Rehearse the joke in front of the mirror in the bathroom, practicing your delivery. Don't get caught, especially by the original joke teller, or you will become "a joke" yourself.
Rule 3: Never tell a joke in front of a crowd (more than 2 people) until you've first told the joke in front of one other person successfully. Make sure the person you told the joke in front of is not in this crowd (otherwise, see end of Rule 1).
Rule 4: Always know your audience. "Aggie" jokes, for instance, don't go over to well in College Station, TX. Certain audiences have certain standards of humor. Learn those standards. Otherwise, you could turn out worse than "a joke." You could be "a smoke," and that's in past tense, bud.
Rule 4.5: Always have audience appropriate material handy. Impressing your mother in law or distant family can earn major points (these points can make you much more beloved, believe it or not...).
Rule 5: Never use jokes to "one-up" on another joke teller (unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences of humiliating someone else in a crowd (see end of rule 4).
Rule 6: Once you've elevated yourself through joke-telling experience, never follow Rule #2 again (you are bound to get caught).
Rule 7: In a crowd, when the jokes start going around, resist the temptation to jump in and tell that joke that you're really not prepared to deliver. There's nothing worse than fouling up the punch line or stopping just short of it and saying, "oh, I forgot the punch line." This is worse than being a "joke," and almost as bad as being a "smoke." This person is just a sad bloke. People will be apt to come up to you later, pat you on the back, and say, "Sorry about the joke, man. Anything I can do for you?" (resist the temptation to lash out here. Just take your lumps and learn)
Rule 8: The power of the "inside joke" only works in the inner circle. Having to explain your joke to people is like holding up a sign that says "Loser."
Rule 9: Leave jokes that make fun of people for their gender (or race, income-level, beauty (or perceived lack of it), faith, weight, and sense of fashion) at home or tucked inside that place where you stuff inappropriate thoughts. Don't let it out or you'll get labelled a "poke" and stand a good chance of enacting what we like to call "a little church discipline" (this is especially important to avoid if there are weightlifters and professional boxers in your circle of friends.
Rule 10: Remember who you've told what jokes to, and don't repeat the joke to anyone who's already heard it (we're back to the end of Rule 1 here).
Perhaps we can keep adding to this list with our handy "comments" function.
